Two years ago I finished grad school with no job or plan, other than to follow my bliss and make money from my website. I drained my savings, emptied my IRA and investment accounts, lived off of credit and deferred payments on my student loans. I took a risk. It was scarier than jumping off a cliff.
I had discovered the law of attraction just before I graduated and knew "figuring out" how to use it was the path for me. I wanted to make it big. I wanted money to come to me. I wanted the law of attraction to be my quick fix.
For months, I struggled just figuring out what I wanted. I had vision boards full of beautiful houses and travel and toys. I played Abraham's "checkbook game". Not much changed in my actual pocketbook.
On Easter of 2011, I had a realization that money was just a puzzle I was learning how to play, and I had my first taste of the belief that "I can do this!" It might take me the rest of my life to figure out how to vibrate abundance, but I was going to do it.
More months passed. Money was getting tight. How were we going to pay the rent? I had my first strong knowing of what I wanted: enough money to pay the rent every month! Not a big house or an Alaskan cruise. Just rent money. That desire was strong.
One day Kelly and I were driving home from my parents' house in the country, listening to Nicki Minaj's "Moment for Life". I was suddenly slammed with a feeling of gratitude so strong, I cried tears of joy for the entire hour car ride. I felt the feeling of the universe taking care of me, and felt like everything in my reality was encouraging me to keep going. "Congratulations!" the trees said. "You're alive and we love you!" whispered the rolling hills. The cars whizzing by were yelling "hooray, you're here and everything is working out!"
I came home and wrote this article. I had finally experienced the feeling I'd been looking for since leaving school—that life really was conspiring to support me.
Within a couple weeks, Kelly and I were offered an internship at UnderConsideration, and they were going to pay us more than enough to pay our rent. It seemed so simple. How to play the money puzzle was becoming clear: Figure out what you really, truly, strongly desire, find the feeling of what it would feel like, then let go and trust it was coming.
The internship proved to be the best thing that ever happened to us. The experiences we've had with UCllc have been more valuable than any amount of money. But still, eventually we needed to figure out how to make enough money to pay for our bills and living expenses, not just the rent.
Since the beginning of the year, Kelly and I have focused on growing our online businesses. Surely that would be the ticket to making more money, right? We redesigned websites, we made new products, we created stores. We have biweekly status meetings. We have appreciation rituals. We've fallen in love with being entrepreneurs.
But the money wasn't enough. We were making enough passive income to pay some of the bills, but not everything. We didn't have any client work. Trying to make new products and work on our sites felt so hard. It felt like pushing against the flow.
Last year I read this article by Steve Pavlina called How to Defeat Kolrami. It was about how as soon as he stopped trying to make money, the money came. It makes sense, because if you're trying to make money, you're vibrating a feeling of "I don't have money and I need to make it." Yesterday morning, I woke up and decided I had had enough of trying to make money. "Trying" just wasn't working out for me, and it hadn't been for two years. It was time to give it up.
At the same time I gave up on trying, I began using a new mantra: "I've decided to feel good about money. It will work itself out." Throughout the day, when I got emails from my loan companies or credit cards, instead of feeling stressed, I just thought "I've decided to feel good about money. It'll work itself out."
Yesterday I used that mantra when I payed my car insurance with my credit card. I used it when I payed my rent with a nerve-wrackingly low checking account balance. I used it when I got an email about my student loans. I used it when I got a notification that my credit card bill was due. Four times. I felt that feeling of "I've decided to feel good about money" four times.
By 4pm, I had an email in my inbox notifying me that I just got a client job worth $10,500.
I fell on the floor with relief. And laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Because it was so much easier than I ever made it out to be. I just decided to feel good about money, and trusted it was working itself out. I was allowing the money to come to me. I didn't have to do anything. I just had to stop worrying about it.
This morning I woke up to a $65 affiliate commission from Bluehost. A $52 commission from 1ShoppingCart. A $15 video sale. And it's payday at UCllc.
I've cracked the code. The code isn't knowing how to attract money, because I've known how since I learned about the law of attraction. The code is learning to stop being afraid and just trust that life is taking care of me. The code is learning to feel good even when I'm swimming in bills.
The code is deciding to feel good anyway. And anyone can do it. Just decide to feel good about money. It's working itself out.