My Story Continues… $ Cash Only $

confidence conquers doubt defeats

My Story Continues… $ Cash Only $

confidence conquers doubt defeats
Art by Kelly Cree

Thank you everyone who replied to my last article. I am so grateful for your support and your uplifting messages. You are helping me so much!

I said that following my bliss would be to stop using my credit cards, so here I am. I haven't used a credit card since Thursday. I feel like a drug addict. I could go back to using it at any moment. But the bill for one of my cards is due the 13th. It's for $324. On the to-do list this week: make $324.

I have a $5000 check on the way from a client job, and as you can imagine, receiving that check is on my mind. It would really help out this week!

Also, I may have failed to mention, but I am going on vacation to Cabo San Lucas in less than 2 weeks.

Experience Over Security
Yeah I put those plane tickets on a Discover card. And yeah Discover cut my credit off shortly thereafter. Thank you for the intervention, Discover. You are helping me focus.

Where Am I Going?
I am shaking as I write this. I am so ashamed of my behavior! And taking the time to realize I feel ashamed is a lot more helpful than burying my head in the sand any longer.

The Emotional Math Problem
Since I feel ashamed, the logical thing to do would be to practice the opposite emotion. *Looks up opposite emotion on the What's Your Solution? worksheet.*

Shame is close to guilt, insecurity and unworthiness. That's pretty low on the totem poll! But I don't have to think about how I got here or what anyone thinks about me being here. I just have to do the work to raise my emotional vibration. Just like putting gas in the car. My confidence may be low, but I know how to fill it up.

My homework

Practice feeling the opposite emotions of shame: knowing and freedom. How do you feel knowing and freedom? What makes your confidence soar? What are you absolutely certain about? What does it feel like to be free?

I know when I'm tripping. I know what an open mind feels like. I know life is much deeper than the superficial motions I go through every day. I know I'm on the verge of greatness. I know life loves me, I've felt it before.

I know I'm brave for doing this. I know I'm doing my best in every moment. I know releasing my guilt and shame will help me feel better. I know my mood is the only thing that matters. I know I'm inspired.

I'm free to make any choice I want. I'm free to live my life how I want to live it, without caring about what anyone else thinks. I'm free to live my life as I please, even if it doesn't make other people happy. I'm free to be myself. I'm free to not care about what you think. I'm free of anything holding me back. I'm free, like jumping on a trampoline or flying in a dream. I'm free like swimming in the middle of lake. I'm free to go anywhere and do anything I want. Nothing is holding me back.

I'm confident when I make websites. It's so easy for me. It's effortless to install software and edit php and google about WordPress. It's easy to see missing semincolons or quotes. It's easy to fix things. It's easy to understand what's going on. I know my way around a webhost. I know how to edit a database.

I'm confident when I make art and visual designs. I'm confident that every creative thing that comes out of my fingers is beautiful. I'm confident that even if I don't understand my own art, it's valuable and important. I'm confident that I always do my best creatively. I'm confident that I am effortlessly creative all day, every day.

I'm confident that my creativity and positivity are related. I'm confident that I know how to play with the universe. I'm confident I know what I'm doing. I'm confident in the value of my creations.

I am absolutely certain that this life is just for fun. I am absolutely certain that nothing really matters in the big picture. I am absolutely certain that life does want me to thrive. I am absolutely certain that there is something bigger than me that is helping me right now. I am absolutely certain that when I feel good, my life feels good. I am absolutely certain that everything does work out in the end.

I am absolutely certain that I have nothing to be afraid of. I am absolutely certain that I love taking risks. I am absolutely certain that things will work out for me eventually. I am absolutely certain that I am becoming a better person every day.

To be free means pushing "Publish" on this post and not caring about what anyone thinks of it. To be free means to own my behavior more and more every day. To be free means to not hate myself for what I do. To be free means to like being alive. To be free means to let my mind rest. To be free means to go within. To be free means to remember the magick of life. To be free means to remembering my power and allowing it to flow through.

Jessica Mullen

Living the magick life.

  • Libby

    Jessica, you are such a leader and you are so brave. To this and your last post I have just a couple of things to say ;o)…first one is: YES!! just yes.

    Second one is that it took a train wreck in my life to get to that place of I can’t be afraid anymore. And you got there just out of your brilliance, amazing. I wrote about that train wreck online, and now when I have moments of panic and send out resumes because I fear being an entrepreneur was a terrible mistake…I put a link to what I wrote right on my resume! I simply cannot present myself as anyone different than I really am. Costing me jobs? Don’t know, don’t care :o). So I relate to what you are writing about, as so many others do, and love that you are so brave.

    I can tell you that I would be lost without your daily meditations. That you telling me over the past year that I was already everything I needed to be was a life saver no less real than an actual hand held out in deep water. So from this older but no wiser friend let me say, you’re gonna be alright, kid :o).

  • jessica mullen

    Thank you so much Libby! You are so smart! Thank you for your perspective! It’s so inspiring to hear about your similar situation, and I just love how you put what you wrote on your resume. It makes so much sense.

    And thank you so much for saying what you did about the meditations. Your encouragement helps SO MUCH. I am so grateful for your kindness and support. I’m so much less afraid now. I am excited!!!

    I LOVE YOU! Thank you!

  • Merel

    Dear Jessica :)
    Maybe its for the best when you cut your creditcards in two pieces? X!

  • jessica mullen

    Merel, that is a really good idea! I haven’t had the courage to do it yet but I still haven’t used one since 4/4/13. Thanks for the feedback :D xo

Comments are closed.