I’m Going to Rehab

 2013 April 14
by jessica mullen   10 Comments 

Art by Kelly Cree

In response to my embarrassing coming out story, Jered Schue asked me what I’m going to do to change. What am I going to promise to myself? Obviously I got myself into this predicament, I can get myself out.

Budgeting? Not my style. Cutting up my credit cards? Tempting, but too complicated for me to even think about right now (although I still haven’t used one since April 4. Huge deal.)

I let the question sit for days, and asked for the answer to come in meditation. I know that taking action isn’t the answer, so it would have to be actions I could stop taking. Stop doing. Let go of.

It just came to me while meditating about half an hour ago. For 30 days, beginning Monday April 15, I’m going to rehab. Jessica Mullen’s School of Life Design Rehab for Thought, Drug, Alcohol, and Credit Card Addicts.

1. Straightedge, baby!
Someone actually emailed me suggesting I “might go sober.” My first thoughts: no way! Too simple! I like having fun! People who don’t drink don’t have any crazy stories!

Then she says “HOT DAMN it’s so radical and lovely to be even caffeine free” and I know she’s right. She reminds me of my therapist I loved so dearly.

Drugs have shown me so much, but I do want to get “there” naturally. I want ecstasy without the E. I want to feel one with the universe without DMT. I want to feel so proud of myself for being so brave without the mushrooms. I want to feel carefree and fun without the alcohol. I want to feel in awe of life without weed. I want to know the big picture while dead sober. That’s true power.

2. 15 minutes of seated meditation every day, no excuses.
So… I took a few months off meditating because I was too busy having fun. Life got good, and I coasted. But as Kamal Ravikant talks about in Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It, you still have to do the work when you feel good. That’s what keeps the good times rolling.

This is an easy habit to get back into. Meditating is fun and exquisitely rewarding.

3. Eat vegetarian. Eeeease back into vegan.
I just stopped caring. I had too many drunken cheeseburgers to eat. But I know I feel better when I’m not eating flesh.

4. Say “I love myself” to myself all day, every day.
Everything else is way too stressful to think about right now.

5. Take my own advice.
Mainly I want to do my own worksheets every day because they work so well. In a perfect world, I would do a Daily Planner, a Daily Self Love, a Gathering Momentum, a Universal Order Form, a Life Story, a Flower of Life Design Template, and a Practice the Feeling of Abundance worksheet every day. Well fuck it then, I’ll print out a 30 day supply, make little packets for each day, and see where it takes me. I commit.

That’s it and that’s all. I’ll keep doing my other regular work—Tuesday Tips, Daily Meditations, and my newsletter.

This is a killer experiment. I didn’t even ask Kelly if she wants to do it with me yet. I have to commit before telling anyone or I’ll care too much what they think. I gotta do what I gotta do. I’m doing me.

But first, I’m going to have to finish this bottle of vodka. Cheers!



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  1. April 14, 2013

    OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! I want to do it, too! You’re so inspiring, Jessica, I have total faith in you!

  2. Ari permalink
    April 15, 2013

    Replace DMT with LSD, and our drug loves are exact. A lesson I had to learn the hard way late last year/early this year was that drugs, in a huge way, made me spiritually lazy. It’s like, you’ll never walk anywhere if you always have a car available to drive. But if you never walk you’ll get unhealthy, fat and sick, and then you’ll desperately rely on the car to get you around. Whenever I needed my mind blown (I don’t know why but so much of my energy is dependent on fresh inspiration) I was reaching for a substance instead of looking inside. I know I can ‘get it’ from within, but sometimes it’s so fucking hard it ends up crushing me more when I can’t get there. So I get scared, or impatient, and don’t even try. And I go back to smoking weed all afternoon, because it’s easy to just let go when a substance is holding your hand and leading you, telling you what to feel.

    This year my mantra has been ‘One step at a time’. It’s a corny classic, but I’m forcing myself to stay away from hallucinogens, as much as I love them, because I need to find it independently in myself again. To go gently, and not feel frustrated when it doesn’t take an hour to ‘get there’. I’m realising how much is constant, upkept practice. As above, “Life got good, and I coasted.” Just because I have a bag of mushrooms doesn’t mean I don’t need to meditate.

    (I’ve been totally spamming you lately, last thought, promise!) x

  3. April 15, 2013

    Ari and Jessica– here’s a fun drug-free trip that I unexpectedly experienced last week! Next time you’re out walking or riding a bike, experiment with keeping your head really stable and still as you walk, and then shift your perspective from “I am walking through space” to “Space is walking around me”– like, when you get it, you’ll feel like you’re totally still and that the world is actually moving towards and around you.

    It’s trippy, profound, and really gratifying because it’s a simple (and wholesome lol) technique to heighten your awareness of your surroundings. It happened to me on accident and I’ve been practicing it every day since! So neat.

  4. Ari permalink
    April 16, 2013

    Thanks for the tip Kiriko! I can see how that’d be sober-trippy, that’s sweet. :>

  5. Janina permalink
    April 16, 2013

    Of course you can have a lot of fun sober! You just have to learn it and maybe it’s a hard way.
    What worked for me is, not to forbid me anything but taking the challenge “how long can I make it without?” Whatever it is, it’s your decision every time. I’m sure you will do a great job!
    :D + <3

  6. April 20, 2013

    Ari,
    What has been so weird is that I haven’t even been able to obtain anything in the past year! All attempts have been thrwarted by the universe, telling me to DO THE WORK ON MY OWN! It’s been such a blessing. The past few months I’ve found myself thinking “drugs are so boring. I’m ready for real magick.” Finally I am letting myself believe in the trip of life.

    Kiriko,
    I’m about to try your sober trip in the airport! Thank you for the suggestion!

    Janina, I love the “how long can I make it without?” I was about to give in and smoke yesterday but then I was like… well… I can make it another hour… then more time passed and so did the urge. Thank you :]

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