For most of my life, relationships have come very easily to me. I had my first boyfriend in 6th grade and my first kiss in 8th. My second boyfriend and I were together for over two years, my fourth boyfriend for over four years. Kelly and I have been together for six years.
But I went through a very rocky period towards the end of college. I fell in love with a boy with a girlfriend, and insanity ensued.
I remember sitting at home alone waiting for him to call. I always answered on the first ring, down to get drunk at any bar of his choice. The more we drank, the better, because that meant I would get to stay at his place.
I was way too into him. And I was way not into myself. The drunken nights got sloppier and sloppier until one night I chased him around Champaign, Illinois, screaming "I LOVE YOU! WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME?!"
Luckily I got distracted and moved away shortly thereafter. I lived alone in Chicago, started my first day job, and attempted to get back into dating. I definitely did not meet anyone cool for many, many months.
I started exploring the city by myself. I wrote all the time. Slowly but surely, I was becoming cool again—to myself. I was starting to like myself again! I was having fun by myself. I felt so free. My confidence was climbing and I didn't need anyone else. I was on an adventure.
Sure enough, I met a boy at a Halloween party. We hit it off right away. I played my cards right—I waited for him to call me and didn't get obsessed or disappointed if he didn't. We were together for almost two years.
What all my romps through relationships have taught me is this: never, ever, EVER try to get someone to like you. It will repel the person like the most effective bug spray in the world.
Instead, learn to like yourself. Whatever you are looking for in another person, become that person. Become self-sufficient and independent. Savor your time alone to yourself. Learn to love being alone so much that when someone calls you up for a date, you're practically disappointed!
Anything we want in life, we want because we think it will make us feel good. We want money because we think it will make us feel good. We want drugs because we think they will make us feel good. And on and on and on.
You can only attract things that you think will make you feel good when you are already feeling good. You have to be a vibrational match. You have to be ready for them to come.
The guided meditation above is a three-minute preview of the full 15 minute session. The session covers letting go and loving yourself, and also provides a technique for entering a delicious relationship with yourself. It's so simple, I can't believe everyone isn't doing it already!
You can read a little more on the School of Life Design site, or click the button below to purchase.