How I Faced My Fears & Resolved the Greatest Contrast of My Adult Life


How I Faced My Fears & Resolved the Greatest Contrast of My Adult Life



I sold my car on Saturday. I had a credit card bill due that there was no way in hell I was missing. I don't care how reckless I was with my finances—I know better than to ruin my credit score.

We were so broke that I now know the value of a roll of toilet paper. (Can we snag a roll from a public bathroom?). Of a Kleenex (God I hope we don't have to use hankies again). Of a tampon (Did you check the suitcase? We must have a couple stashed away SOMEWHERE). Of a kale smoothie (Complete nervous breakdown over spilling a glass & not knowing when we could buy kale again). Of a cup of rice (Trying to ignore my hunger when I messed up cooking the last cup we had).

So when my bill was due at midnight and I didn't have the money, the answer became very clear. My friend Kristy always said, "If it's important, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse." My car was a luxury that I had to let go of.

My dad bought me that car. My parents are the most generous people on the planet. I had been driving a 10 year old Honda Civic that was starting to need work. My dad tried to convince me to buy a new car, but I didn't think it was a good use of my resources.

So he bought it for me for my 29th birthday. I am the most spoiled girl in the world.

And then two and a half years later I sold it because I never took a word of his financial advice since leaving for college. I was so dead set on rebelling against everything he ever told me to do. Surely, any way would be better than his way!

I sold the car he bought me. It took less than an hour. Nothing has ever been more in the flow in my life. Kelly and I walked the 3 miles home from the dealership at 3pm on a 101º day and celebrated. Our bills were paid! I had an enormous check in my pocket! A two ton weight had been lifted from my chest!

As soon as we got home, we grabbed our bicycles and raced to the ATM to deposit the check. It wasn't going to be available for a few days, so I had to do some fancy footwork to make sure all of my bills still got paid.

Through generous gifts from friends, we had exactly enough money for everything, with 11 cents left over.

Sunday I had to tell my parents. I was sick about it. This was the moment I had been dreading for months. I can handle pretty much anything life throws at me, but when it comes to telling my parents the truth about some imperfection of mine, I die.

They raised me to such high standards in everything. Get As in school. Keep your body fit and healthy. Track your finances to the penny. Keep a spotless home. Be nice to your sister. Make art. Drugs are bad mmkay?

How could I ever take their word for it? I rebelled against every instruction and promptly learned through life experience that it IS worth it to get As. Health is the only true wealth there is. You can't hide from your money situation. A clean home reflects a clean vibration. Kindness really is the most important act. Art saves lives. And drugs are not the answer!

I sent my parents an email explaining what I did, turned my ringer off, and left the house. I ran at the gym, I hung out with friends, I drank wine, I watched a movie, I had sex with Kelly. I did everything I could to not think about their reaction. It was the last piece of the puzzle that I had been petrified of completing.

I checked my email this morning and saw my dad wrote back. "jecco, a car is just a machine. if you don't need it or can't afford it, then it makes sense to get rid of it ... onwards and upwards!"

What a guy, right? And just like that, the most major contrast of my entire adult life is resolved. My parents still love me. My bills are paid for months. I have a budget and an income. Not only that, but my income is entirely passive and completely derived from MY OWN BUSINESS!

Everything I learned in grad school prepared me for this moment. I went there to figure out the smartest move I could make. Making a passive income from my online ventures has always been the goal, once I learned it was possible.

And now here I am, a success story. I still feel the same. But I've learned so much about how to play the game. My biggest lesson: worry is NEVER WORTH IT. It's never as bad as you fear! And it's not going to happen any time sooner than it needs to, so instead of dreading some event in the future, just forget about it! Feel good, be happy! You'll feel the same no matter what happens, so choose to feel good NOW!

Want to learn the magick behind how all this abundance unfolded? Read today's Just the Tip for the techniques and thought patterns I used to make my dream reality.

Jessica Mullen

Living the magick life.

  • sunny

    thank you for sharing this incredible story, jessica! wow, this really motivates me to keep going, doing the work. fuck yes!

  • Elisa

    I’m glad you managed to solve these issues and that you feel so comfortable about everything now! Maybe it’s me but I can’t see the abundance in selling something that has been given to you as a gift to pay the bills/debts. I have done something similar before and it just felt like selling my own things to pay the rent basically. But I’m happy for you anyway, maybe I really need to start feeling positive about things!

  • Katja

    that is so awesome! your dad is wonderful, and you are wonderful and i’m really impressed you had the guts to do that! YAY!

  • jessica mullen

    Thanks for your feedback ladies! Elisa, I think my main realization was that the abundance I *needed*, I already had right in front of me. Letting go of attachment to material possessions allowed me to open up to the flow.

  • Allison

    It’s great that letting go of the car will mean your month to month expenses will be lower too, going forward.

    Are you going to use any of this windfall to pay down your debt balance? Or just keep paying the minimum on bills as usual?

    Best of luck!

  • jessica mullen

    Hey Allison! Thanks for the hard-hitting questions ;]

    The money will go towards minimums, with all extra income beyond split up in 3 ways – 33% towards paying down debt, 33% towards savings (which really should be labeled “self employment tax payments”) and 33% towards “entertainment” which includes absolutely any extra expense outside of bills and groceries.

  • Allison

    Haha, no problem. ;) I appreciate you being so open!

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