Daily Guide to Life Design #17: Self Approval Is More Important Than Self Love

 2014 January 24
by jessica mullen   5 Comments 

Art by Stephen Cade
Art by Stephen Cade

I grew up with parents who loved me unconditionally. However, I can’t say that they approve of me or my actions unconditionally.

When I was in high school I didn’t give a flying fuck about their approval. I knew they loved me, but they were really strict. I rebelled as hard as I could. I always approved of myself because I was having, pursuing and being fun.

Once I made it through a couple rough years of undergrad, I started wanting to get along with my parents better. It was great, but I realize now I started approving of my desires and actions less and less. I was using their approval scale–grades, weight, job. In high school I didn’t care about those things at all.

I’ve been practicing self love using mantras like, “Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are,” and it’s felt a little off. Deep down, I know I love myself. I think I’m pretty great, and when I step back to watch the story of my life, I think it’s a pretty cool story. I do love myself.

But then I read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. The first affirmation she suggests using is “I approve of myself.” I didn’t quite get it until this morning, when I heard myself thinking, “I just want some approval!”

Immediately I started saying “I approve of myself” over and over. I began to feel better and better. When I said, “Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are,” I felt guilty. Like, “I love you and accept you even though you are bad in the following ways.” But when I say, “I approve of myself,” I feel like I own my desires and am proud of myself. “I love myself the way I am” feels like I am flawed. “I approve of myself” feels like I’m kicking ass and don’t need anyone else’s approval.

What is your approval-to-love ratio? Do you find yourself feeling fundamentally unloved, or just needing a little approval? Give “I approve of myself” a shot and see if it makes more sense than focusing on the notion of self love.



[[T_F]]Data Leak Prevention – Data Security Solutions – Information Theft Protection, Detection and Prevention Software Productstracefusion_signature=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[[T_F]]

Previous article: