Month: November 2016

Jessica Mullen

Sometimes I get a good feeling

Jessica Mullen
Today was a really good day. Here is a list of why.

  • We had plenty of money for groceries.
  • Dinner was already made.
  • We got to take the bus for $0.60.
  • I boiled water and humidified the house.
  • We slept in.
  • We walked 2.3 miles.
  • I finished another MMM.
  • I'm starting to like the new Weeknd album a little better.
  • I'm getting great feedback on my meditation videos.
  • I am remembering to appreciate where I am now before I get to where I want to be.
  • I got to drink two cups of coffee.
  • Linty is sitting on my lap.
  • People like my art.
  • I like my art.
  • I'm the least stressed I've ever been.
  • I'm remembering to count more.
  • I love my new meditation memes.
  • I feel successful.
  • We replaced the furnace filter today.
  • We brought in the garbage cans.
  • It was nice enough to walk.
  • We played a game of chess.
  • I'm getting way better at chess.
  • We saved $300 in the last month.
  • Someone offered me any jewelry I'd like from her etsy store bc she likes my meditation videos so much.
  • I'm emailing with a good friend.
  • I've been fb chatting with my 8 y/o neighbors from Austin.
  • I feel super happy I left Austin after seeing someone advertise a tent for $280/month.
  • We had delicious homemade vegan chili for dinner and a perfect fried egg for lunch and an apple for
  • breakfast. We always have plenty.
  • We could afford chocolate chips and tissues and garbage bags.
  • The cashier was nice to us.
  • The bus ride was warm.
  • I posted several pictures.
  • I feel prolific.
  • I feel creative.
  • I feel at peace with what is.
  • I always get everything I want.
  • We have amazon prime!
  • I'm hang drying towels in the bedroom to humidify the room.
  • I returned all my correspondence this morning finally.
  • The house is clean and cozy and the cats are happy and cute.
  • The Internet is blazing fast.
  • The water is hot.
  • The furnace is warm.
  • I am safe and dry and well fed.
  • I found some good white noise albums on Spotify.
  • I'm not stressed about the first of the month.
  • We meditated today and it was so good and I counted to 1100.
  • There's cookie dough in the fridge.
  • There's medicine in the cabinet.
  • I feel fit and healthy and slim.
  • I feel curious and relaxed and free.
  • We could afford coffee and peanut butter and spinach and frozen blueberries.
  • Primatene works.
  • We paid for the bus with found change.
  • We got our first wholesale order that came to us.
  • We got an etsy order!
  • We got a consignment order!
  • Our business is booming.
  • We've doubled our income since last year.
  • I feel successful!
  • I feel free!
  • I am embracing winter.
  • I am embracing being Felix.
  • My headphones sound great.
  • We have 60 fresh zines printed and folded.
  • Kelly is making a kickass website for an Austin musician.
  • Kelly is so good at client work.
  • I am covered in aquaphor.
  • We get to chat with Ryan and Fede all day.
  • We sang Miley for karaoke today.
  • We have food and meals planned for 10 days!
  • We've been keeping up with our Les Mills classes.
  • A new YMCA just opened downtown.

So happy and grateful life is working out for me. So happy and grateful to have a perfect wife in a perfect home with purrfect kitties. So happy and grateful to feel good about my life and how I spend my time. So happy and grateful to be my reason for feeling good! So happy and grateful I can afford Prime and Spotify and Les Mills! So happy and grateful to feel healthy and fit and slim and confident! So happy and grateful to love myself and not give a fuck!

Wouldn’t it be nice to have good dreams and remember them? Wouldn't it be nice to breathe easy? Wouldn't it be nice to write a new book? Wouldn't it be nice to spend the time it takes? Wouldn't it be nice to focus my attention? Wouldn't it be nice to start those xmas gifts?! Wouldn't it be nice to surrender my preference? Wouldn't it be nice to let the flow through?

I've noticed I feel anxious about xmas and that’s ok. I've noticed I feel guilty/bad for not making music and that's ok. I've noticed my sleep schedule is slippin and that's ok!

I’ve decided to feel good about xmas presents. They're working themselves out. I've decided to feel good about what I create. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about mortality. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about loose ends. They're working themselves out. I've decided to feel good about collaborations. They're working themselves out.

What do I want?
- To take the time to extract a book from my site
- To take the time to work on art
- To follow through on projects
- To get xmas gift inspiration
- To remember to lighten up and not give a fuck!
- To have good dreams!

I intend to be kind to myself. I intend to be light. I intend to laugh, enjoy, have fun, be happy. I intend to communicate and express myself the best I can. I intend to surrender my preference. I intend to let what I want come to me. I intend to feel free! I intend to appreciate! I intend to COUNT.

I pray to stay sober today. I pray for love and light!

I’m switching to the version of reality I prefer. In the reality I prefer, I don't give a fuck. I am at peace with what is. I AM FEARLESS. I embrace mortality.

I love it when I stand up for myself. I love it when I channel. I love it when I play and laugh. I love it when I am light! I love it when there is new music! i love it when I read! I love it when I follow through and focus and create! I love it when I feel good for no reason!

Dear Jessica,
Let yourself smile! You've done such a great job! This is the best day of your life! The good feeling will only increase from here!

Jessica Mullen

Daily Meditation – The Less You Resist, The Less It Persists


Download the meditation audio on Bandcamp!

Breathe in and raise your vibration!
Breathe out and release your resistance

Breathe in and raise your vibration!
Breathe out and release your resistance

Relax your body. Surrender your preference. Let your worries go. Decide to be at peace with what is, right here, right now.

Breathe in and open up to receiving
Breathe out and let what you want come to you

Allow yourself to focus on what’s working in your life! As soon as you shift your perspective from what’s wrong to what’s working, you’ll notice more things are working.

Breathe in and open up to receiving
Breathe out and surrender your preference! Surrender your guilt! Surrender your worries! Surrender your struggle and striving and trying!

Breathe in and decide to feel good
Breathe out and know that how you feel is up to you!

If you ever feel stuck in a certain feeling, it’s probably because you’re resisting it and you don’t want to feel that way. You can just say, “I’ve noticed I feel crabby, and that’s ok.” Within seconds, that feeling will be able to pass on through you and you will return to your natural state of well being. Even your bad feelings want to be embraced and loved. Allow yourself to be kind to yourself and the feelings and thoughts you attract. The less you resist them, the less they’ll persist.

Breathe in and lift yourself up
Breathe out and remember your power as a creator

Your power is in the present moment. In the present moment, you can stop resisting. You can lighten up! You can decide to not take life so seriously. You can say

Breathing in I love myself
Breathing out I don’t give a fuck

You can focus on what’s working—just make a list. And when you just don’t feel good just say “I’ve noticed I just don’t feel good and that’s ok!”

Breathe in and feel empowered as the creator
Breathe out and feel relaxed

Step into the present moment right now. Allow yourself to wake up in the dream, right here right now.

Breathing in I love myself
Breathing out I don’t give a fuck!

Life loves you. You are safe. You are doing such a good job. You can let your worries go now.

Breathing in I love myself
Breathing out I don’t give a fuck!

Jessica Mullen

I SURRENDER

Jessica Mullen
So happy and grateful to be awake and alive! So happy and grateful I can stop being so stubborn. So happy and grateful to feel the best I've ever felt. So happy and grateful I don't have to give a fuck. So happy and grateful I can stop giving a fuck. So happy and grateful I can choose to love myself exactly the way I am. So happy and grateful I can choose what I place my focus on. So happy and grateful I can choose to let my anger go. So happy and grateful I can choose to feel good and not so FUCKING MAD. So happy and grateful I can surrender my preference. I can choose to surrender my preference. I can choose to focus on well being right now. I can choose to let the rage pass. I've noticed I feel rage and that's ok.

So happy and grateful I can choose to breathe consciously. So happy and grateful I don't have to give a fuck. So happy and grateful I can look in the mirror. So happy and grateful I can take 100% responsibility for how I feel. So happy and grateful I can relax into the moment. So happy and grateful I can choose to focus on what I want and what I want more of. So happy and grateful I can choose to transmute right now. I can choose to breathe right now. I can be conscious right now. I can choose to be light right now. I don't have to care!

Wouldn’t it be nice to not give a fuck?! Wouldn't it be nice to let go of my anger? Wouldn't it be nice to relax and transmute and let life be easy? Wouldn't it be nice to lighten up? Wouldn't it be nice to play? Wouldn't it be nice to wake up to more orders? Wouldn't it be nice to relax and stop caring so much if things go my way?

Wouldn't it be nice to go with the flow? Surrender? Be kind and compassionate?

I've noticed I am getting pissed because I am judging my own mood dropping and that's ok. I've noticed I get pissed over dumb shit and that's ok. I've noticed I feel annoyed and that's ok. I've noticed the anger is already passing and that's ok.

I've decided to feel good about what I get pissed at. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about my life. It's working itself out.
What do I want?
- Good dreams
- relief
- success
- flow
- to be touched by the hand of god, that's all

I intend to breathe and surrender and watch with curiosity. I intend to say yes thank you more. I intend to share and give all that I can. I intend to surrender my preference. I intend to have fun and be light! I intend to lighten up! I intend to transmute my contrast!

I pray to stay sober today... I pray for good dreams...

I’m switching to the version of reality I prefer. In the reality I prefer I am in the right place at the right time. I am so loved and cared for. I am in control of my vibration.

I love it when we get orders! I love it when we get along! I love it when I transmute! I love it when I surrender!

Dear Jessica,
You are doing such an amazing job.

Jessica Mullen

I NEVER GIVE UP

So happy and grateful to be awake and alive! SO happy and grateful to feel loved and cared for! SO happy and grateful to feel successful! So happy and grateful for passive income and positive feedback and wholesale orders! So happy and grateful I NEVER GIVE UP!

So happy and grateful to have had a wonderful holiday! SO happy and grateful to always have plenty! SO happy and grateful to know I'm in the right place at the right time! So happy and grateful to feel healthy and fit! So happy and grateful to feel energized and excited about life! SO happy and grateful to get to work out in my living room! SO happy and grateful to feel good about my life and what I'm doing!

SO happy and grateful to feel the best I've ever felt! So happy and grateful to have my ducks in a row! So happy and grateful to not give a fuck! SO happy and grateful to be in love with myself and my wife and my life! So happy and grateful to feel focused and motivated and inspired and DRIVEN!

Wouldn’t it be nice to have the best day of my life? WOuldn't it be nice to relax into the present moment? Wouldn't it be nice to discipline my mind? Wouldn't it be nice to find gifts for everyone? Wouldn't it be nice to start making the gifts? Wouldn't it be nice to surrender and let what I want come to me? Wouldn't it be nice to let go of my worries and doubts? Wouldn't it be nice to laugh and play and have fun all day? Wouldn't it be nice to trust the process of life? Wouldn't it be nice to remember to say YES and THANK YOU? WOuldn't it be nice to feel connected to the whole? Wouldn't it be nice to go with the flow?

I've noticed I feel a little edgy and that’s ok. I've noticed I feel a little overwhelmed and that's ok. I've noticed I feel anxious about returning all my correspondence and that's ok. I've noticed I feel uneasy about money and that's ok. I've noticed I feel a little lazy and guilty and that's ok. I've noticed I feel a little rushed and that's ok. I've noticed I feel guilty and that's ok!

I've decided to feel good about feeling lazy. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about money. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about not returning emails. They're working themselves out. I've decided to feel good about what I create and share. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about gift giving. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about my life. It's working itself out!

What do I want?
- to feel motivated and driven all day
- to get done what I want to get done without resisting
- to succeed at this claim
- to feel FEARLESS about phone calls
- to be light and fun!
- to feel successful and KNOWING
- to feel like "HAHAHA I WAS RIGHT I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN MYSELF!"
- to believe in myself!
- to feel the best I've ever felt!
- to make my best work!

Today I intend to have the best day of my life. I intend to not give a fuck. I intend to play and have fun and go with the flow. I intend to make my best work. I intend to take care of myself. I intend to feel free! I intend to be light! I intend to practice gratitude in advance! I intend to attract new ideas and new music. I intend to celebrate and laugh! I intend to give and share. I intend to let go of my worries. I intend to surrender. I intend to feel successful in the present moment. I intend to DISCIPLINE MY MIND.

I pray to stay sober today. I pray for love and light. I pray for fun and laughter! I pray for consciousness and awareness. I pray for the flow of well being to be so strong no one can resist!

I’m switching to the version of reality I prefer. In the reality I prefer, I am in the right place at the right time. I am doing everything right. I am already successful. I am making my best work! I am letting life live me! I am disciplining my mind. I am at peace with what is. I am loved and cared for. I love and accept myself exactly the way I am. I am one with life. I am free. I surrender my preference. I let go of my worries. I am disciplining my mind RIGHT NOW!

I love it when Kelly makes the smoothie for me! I love it when I feel loved and cared for! I love it when I do my writing in the morning! I love it when I feel good about myself! I love it when I feel healthy and fit! I love it when I get up early! I love it when I get to sleep in! I love it when I surrender my preference! I love it when I feel good about my life. I love it when I discipline my mind. I love it when I let go of my worries. I love it when I don't resist working out. I love it when I feel strong. I love it when I follow through. I love it when I take care of myself. I love it when my skin feels soft and hydrated. I love it when I feel beautiful. I love it when I feel successful. I love it when I remember my power!

Dear Jessica,
Relax and let what you want come to you. It's so easy when you let go. Relax and let go of your preference. ALl the things you want, let them go. Surrender yourself to the present moment. Let yourself enjoy this day! It's a heavenly perfect match for you right now!

Jessica Mullen

Daily Meditation – Cast Your Spell With Gratitude In Advance


Download the meditation audio on Bandcamp!

Breathe in and raise your vibration!
Breathe out and release your resistance

Breathe in and raise your vibration!
Breathe out and release your resistance

Breathe in and feel excited about your day!
Breathe out and surrender control

Breathe in and open up to receiving!
Breathe out and let go of your worries

Breathe in and feel excited about your day!
Breathe out and know that what’s coming is what you wanted!

Breathe in and say YES!
Breathe out and say THANK YOU!

Breathe in and relax
Breathe out and let go of your worries

Breathe in and bring light into your crown chakra!
Breathe out and activate your crown chakra

Breathe in and bring light into your third eye chakra!
Breathe out and activate your third eye chakra

Breathe in and bring light into your throat chakra!
Breathe out and activate your throat chakra

Breathe in and bring light into your heart chakra!
Breathe out and activate your heart chakra

Breathe in and bring light into your solar plexus chakra!
Breathe out and activate your solar plexus chakra

Breathe in and bring light into your navel chakra!
Breathe out and activate your navel chakra

Breathe in and bring light into your root chakra!
Breathe out and activate your root chakra

You’re lit up! You’re open to receiving. You have the flow of well being coursing through your body. You’ve invoked universal energy and infinite intelligence. Now is the time to pray, or cast your spell. Basically—say thanks in advance for what you want. This is the power of meditation. This is the power of manifestation. You’re alive and you’re open to receiving. What is it that you want?

Breathe in and think about what you want
Breathe out and know it’s already yours

Say to yourself, “Thank you for bringing me that thing that I wanted. Thank you for the health, thank you for the money, thank you for the love, thank you for the creative expression. Thank you for healing me. Thank you for healing me. Thank you for healing me. Thank you for providing for me. Thank you for this abundance in my life. Thank you for my good fortune. Thank you for the good results. Thank you for the solutions. Thank you for this perfect day. Thank you for the best day of my life. Thank you for this good feeling that I feel without needing anything outside of me. Thank you for helping me be at peace with what is. Thank you for the love and the health and the money. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

Imagine all your chakras lit up, shining brightly. White, purple, blue, green, yellow, orange, red. Imagine yourself shining so bright, so powerful. You are the creator! You’ve cast your spell into the world with gratitude in advance. What you want is already yours. Now go enjoy the best day of your life! At the end of this chakra meditation we say, “I now ground this energy that hasn’t been used. I return it to the earth. Thank you for helping me on my journey. Thank you for providing for me. Thank you for this infinite energy. Thank you for this perfect life!”

Spellcasting

Spell for a Good Night

Spellcasting
So happy and grateful to be awake and alive. So happy and grateful to be here now. So happy and grateful to not give a fuck. So happy and grateful for my happy healthy kitties. So happy and grateful for my happy healthy wife. So happy and grateful to get to host a party tomorrow. So happy and grateful to feel light and energized. So happy and grateful to feel energized. So happy and grateful to feel energized. So happy and grateful to feel energized. So happy and grateful to feel energized! So happy and grateful to feel energized! So happy and grateful to feel energized! So happy and grateful to feel energized! So happy and grateful to feel energized! So happy and grateful to feel light and present! So happy and grateful to be releasing my worries

I decided to feel good about cooking. It's working itself out.
I decided to feel good about cleaning. It's working itself out.
I decided to feel good about writing that letter. It's working itself out.
I decided to feel good about hosting a party. It's working itself out.
I decided to feel good about my fitness routine. It's working itself out.
I decided to feel good about how often I exercise. It's working itself out.
I decided to feel good about the rest of my night. It's working itself out.
I decided to feel good about my facebook messages. They're working themselves out.
I decided to feel good about my emails. They're working themselves out.
I decided to feel good about communication. It's working itself out.
I decided to feel good about my health. It's working itself out.
I decided to feel good about keeping in touch. It's working itself out.
I decided to feel good about holiday gifts. They're working themselves out.
I decided to feel good about money. It's working itself out.

Wouldn't it be nice to have the best night of my life? Wouldn't it be nice to write and meditate earlier in the day more frequently? Wouldn't it be nice to get on a running schedule? Or a cardio schedule? Wouldn't it be nice to feel more motivated to work out every day? Wouldn't it be nice to surrender and relax? Wouldn't it be nice to attract xmas gift money and wouldn't it be nice to make gifts in time for the holiday and wouldn't it be nice to design a calendar and wouldn't it be nice to have our gifts done by dec 9? Wouldn't it be nice to make great progress on that new zine on monday? Wouldn't it be nice to do pump 3 days a week for the next 300 weeks? Wouldn't it be nice to remember to do things a little earlier this year?

- A New Year's article (dec 31)
- xmas gifts to get in the mail (dec 16)
- promoting our business/holiday sales that can be shipped in time for xmas (dec 9)
- a calendar product in time to print and bind (dec 9)
- zine progress (dec 2)

Wouldn't it be nice to get all that stuff done so from dec 16-30 I can work on new projects?

- combing my site for the contents of a new book/article series
- tarot deck lol
- finalized format for articles/gathering momentum/private diary content on this site
- cult of counting...
- 365 questions

Wouldn't it be nice to have great holiday sales? Wouldn't it be nice to allow more income streams to form? Wouldn't it be nice to work on a new product? Wouldn't it be nice to work on music? Wouldn't it be nice to let myself be inspired? Wouldn't it be nice to let go of all my need-tos and shoulds?

What do you want?
- To get back on track/ducks in a row/following a disciplined schedule
- what I really mean is a disciplined mind, that is all.

Time to go back to counting.

Today I intend to have the best night of my life. I intend to appreciate. I intend to say YES and THANK YOU. I intend to let the flow through me. I intend to relax and enjoy my life the way it is I intend to be at peace with what is. I intend to surrender. I intend to practice presence. I intend to go with the flow. I intend to not give a fuck! I intend to love and accept myself exactly the way I am. I intend to discipline my mind.

I pray to stay sober today. I pray to be light. I pray to surrender. I pray to let go of my worries. I pray I can mind my own business and not worry about what other people are doing or thinking!

I'm switching to the version of reality I prefer. In the reality I prefer, I am in the right place at the right time. I am at peace with what is. I am doing everything right. Life loves me. What I want is right in front of my face. I am allowing well being to flow. I am one with life. I am letting life live me. I am letting go of my worries. I am surrendering my preference.

In the reality I prefer, I can relax now. I can let go and trust the process of life. I can relax and enter the present moment. I can choose to focus on YES! and THank you!

In the reality I prefer, I don't have to give a fuck! I love myself exactly the way I am! In the reality I prefer, it's all working out for me!

I love it when I do the work and it works. I love it when I trust the process of life. I love it when I relax into the present moment. I love it when I feel good about my life and my habits and the way I spend my time. I love it when I feel confident and creative. I love it when i find new music I love. I love it when I let life be fun and easy. I love it when I discipline my mind. I love it when I feel in control of my vibration.

Dear Jessica,
Trust the process and let it be fun! It's all for you! Let go of your worries. You don't have to care!

Jessica Mullen

Daily Meditation – Feel Gratitude, Find More To Be Grateful For


Download the meditation audio on Bandcamp!

Breathe in and raise your vibration!
Breathe out and release your resistance

Breathe in and raise your vibration!
Breathe out and release your resistance

Relax your body. Let yourself step into this present moment, where all of your power lies.

Breathe in and lift yourself up!
Breathe out and decide to let your worries go

I’m letting my worries go.

Breathe in and focus your attention in this moment
Breathe out and surrender

You don’t have to care. You don’t HAVE to worry. You can relax and let yourself enjoy this moment right here right now.

Breathe in and say yes!
Breathe out and say thank you!

YES!
THANK YOU!

Let yourself repeat those words in your head all day. Whenever you’re doing the dishes or doing the laundry or working on your work. When there’s a cat in your lap. Allow yourself to focus your attention in the present moment and feel gratitude for what you already have. When you’re in a place of feeling gratitude you attract more to be grateful for.

Breathe in and say YES!
Breathe out and say THANK YOU!

When you’re doing the dishes:
YES!
THANK YOU! for the hot water! For the dishes! For running water omg!

Breathe in and say YES!
Breathe out and say THANK YOU!

Let yourself feel gratitude for all that you already have and in each moment you’ll find more to be grateful for, like cats that do really funny things or the fact that you have internet.

Breathe in and say YES!
Breathe out and say THANK YOU!

Breathe in and say YES!
Breathe out and say THANK YOU!

You know how when you get annoyed and pissed off at your life and you keep thinking about all that’s going wrong and all you don’t have? You’re just going to attract more things going wrong, more things you notice that you don’t have. But you can shift your perspective at any moment just by placing your attention on three words.

Breathe in and say YES!
Breathe out and say THANK YOU!

YES!
THANK YOU!

If you’re in a bad mood, just remember the power of your focus. Your attention creates. What you focus on expands, so if you can just feel for one moment what it feels like to really

YES!
THANK YOU!

You’ll change your point of attraction and start finding more things to be grateful for. All those worries, all those problems, they’ll work themselves out because you’re attracting things to be grateful for. Now your problems are solved.

Breathe in and say YES!
Breathe out and say THANK YOU!

Jessica Mullen

What It’s Like to be 295 Days Sober on Blackout Wednesday

Jessica Mullen
I'm listening to this song called dopemang where this girl talks about being cocaine sniffin, got her dopemang trippin. It's blackout Wednesday. In a past life, even just a year ago, I'd be turnin up. I'd definitely be drunk. I'd be encouraging everyone to drink. Today we went with Kel's mom to Peoria to do something with our internet account. I would have had us stopping at rainforest cafe for a vodka soda or something. I might have a flask. Maybe just a bag with a fifth of vodka and a can of pop, and of course my signature red solo shot glass cups.

It made me feel so good to drink and encourage others to do the same. I would feel like I was comforting people, encouraging them to NOT GIVE A FUCK! Encouraging them to shirk responsibility and have fun with me instead!

But this year I'm almost 10 months sober, and I'm here writing and meditating instead of partying. I had 2.5 cups of coffee today, which is a buzzed as I get. And I make that shit STRONG. Oh and of course I smoke but that's medicine.

Anyway, the dopemang song made me crave. "We should hit up some people and get some coke and go to a bar and be wild." I already feel guilty, my mind instantly fast-forwarding to the next morning, when I can't sleep, I feel like shit and I'm regretting flirting a little too hard with someone else's partner. Woops. I don't remember it, so you can't blame me!

I still think about alcohol every day... when life gets hard, like when the water heater busted the other day, I want a drink. I want a drink so I have a good attitude about what goes wrong, instead of panicking and being sour.

I remember the first time I realized I was going to have to quit the booze, when we went to this essential oil presentation. At the end, we put our hands on this device that told you what meridians were out of wack. Mine were all sorts of messed up. I remember being surprised because I try to be pretty healthy--I was working out every day and of course I always drink my trusty kale smoothie in the morning. The demonstrator questioned my daily habits, and I said something along the lines of, "Well... I do drink. A lot."

So I had the urge to go buy coke and go on a perfectly socially acceptable blackout wednesday bender. I already have enough perspective to know I'd never really do that sober, but give me one, two, three, four drinks and I'll be bugging everyone asking for "uppers".

I used to think I was so cool. Drinking was so romantic. Drugs were so rebellious and exciting. But over time it all just got so tiring and embarrassing. If I want to be some kind of thought leader, I can't be vomiting in the back of my friend's car. Or is it connected?

I hesitate to speak in absolutes. Why can't I be a thought leader, and barfing out a window?

I suppose it's because I don't want to be both. I don't want to be obsessed with something outside of me to get me through the day. I want to be strong and have fun no matter what the day brings. I used to need alcohol to do that, and encourage others to do the same.

I'm a lot quieter now, and I feel like I miss a lot of opportunities to connect with people that I otherwise would have been drunkenly bold enough to befriend. But it's not like our relationship was the same the next day... and why have friends you have to be drunk to be around?

Even writing the word drunk turns me on. I want to be intoxicated with my life. The most intoxicating thing in my life right now is the hot water from our brand new water heater. "This is better than drugs," Kelly and I joked, but we're mostly serious. We're really into "cumulative goods" like exercise and eating well--things that feel good and add up to beneficial change.

I worry I've become too uptight. I worry I'm no fun. I'm simply not in the same scenarios I used to be. I'm not at the bar, so we don't meet people and go hang out with them in the middle of the night. I avoid nightlife in this new place because it's pretty fucking tempting.

Sometimes when I get a little too "I WANT A DRINK", Kelly says "SO HAVE ONE THEN." And I always backpedal. No! I don't want to go back there! I was terrified! Sick all the time! I am not the type to have one or two drinks. What the eff is the point? I drink to get drunk. That's what appeals to me. A big part of me wants to live with zero boundaries and zero inhibitions.

In conclusion. I am just about 10 months sober, and I am spending blackout wednesday chilling at home, being still, creating, and relaxing. Tomorrow I will wake up feeling great, and it will be easy to get out of bed. I will be in a good mood when I see people, and when they see me, I will brighten their day. I will continue to lead by example. I might still want to drink, but every time I don't, I gain a measure of personal power that's more intoxicating than the stiffest long island iced tea.

Jessica Mullen

Daily Meditation – What You Want Is Right In Front Of Your Eyes


Download the meditation audio on Bandcamp!

Breathe in and raise your vibration!
Breathe out and release your resistance!

Breathe in and raise your vibration!
Breathe out and release your resistance!

Relax your body. Let yourself smile because life loves you.

Breathe in and open up to receiving
Breathe out and surrender

This is the right place and the right time. Everything’s working out for you. In fact, what you want is right in front of your eyes. You must only become a match to it to be able to see it.

Breathe in and raise your vibration!
Breathe out and release your resistance!

In order to get to the frequency where you’re able to see that you already have what you want, you just have to say YES and THANK YOU. Elevate yourself to the frequency of gratitude and appreciation and you will see things to be thankful for and to appreciate!

Breathe in and say YES!
Breathe out and say THANK YOU!

YES!
THANK YOU!

Life is giving you the solution that you desire in this moment. It’s up to you to take the first step into the flow. All that first step is is shifting your perspective. When you shift your perspective, the same exact circumstances look different.

Breathe in and say YES!
Breathe out and say THANK YOU!

YES!
THANK YOU!

If something’s going wrong, or if there’s something happening you don’t like, or you get bad news, try saying in reaction:

YES!
THANK YOU!

Shifting your perspective to gratitude and appreciation will show you the solution you’ve been looking for.

Breathe in and say YES!
Breathe out and say THANK YOU!

YES!
THANK YOU!

Your mind can’t yet see what the solution is. It can’t yet see how this bad news is actually good news. But when you choose to shift your perspective, and change your emotional frequency from annoyance or distress up to gratitude and appreciation—when you can shift that yourself—first of all, your circumstances aren’t going to affect you anymore because you are your reason for feeling good. But also you will physically see reality change because the viewpoint from which you’re looking at your life has changed. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change!

Breathe in and say YES!
Breathe out and say THANK YOU!

As you go about your day try to think nothing else but

YES!
THANK YOU!

And you’ll see you’re already living the life of your dreams and the solution is right in front of your face!