Month: December 2016

Jessica Mullen

2017: Time to FLY

Jessica Mullen
Another year. I'm 34. I feel the best I've ever felt on a NYE. I don't really remember last year. Ah yes, a flickr search reveals we went to a party at a friend's house, then to another friend's house for a beauty parlor after party. Shots shots shots! We played Catan the next day and had a cozy day with friends.

This is my first sober NYE of my life (since leaving for college anyway). I feel like all my days are the same now, but in a good way. I don't value my days on how hungover I am anymore. A really good day turned into drinking and a really bad day. Now I just have good days. Not as many wild heart racing moments but 100% fewer vomiting sessions.

I feared my life would get boring when I quit drinking. Now I see how much more interesting life is without the booze. You gotta go within to see the fireworks, but they're there. Every day I drank I set myself back to square one. Now I'm at square 327 or something. Not that there's any place to get, but I feel like I live each day to the fullest now. No more days spent in bed with a hangover. No more nights lost in one long blackout. No more pointless fights.

It seems like 2016 was all about being sober. It definitely was my greatest accomplishment. Any time I get down on myself for not creating enough, I remind myself of how much better my life is sober. I got through all those days without a drink. I figured that shit out on my own. I "worked through my feelings". I dealt with how I felt instead of trying to drink it away, only to wake to it being even worse in the morning.

I still dream about drinking quite often. Maybe every other night. It's always such a big part of modern life, even when I'm not drinking. It's in my face every day, through friends, family, ads, bars, restaurants, etc. I'm grateful we don't keep any in the house.

I've had the pleasure of getting to spend many a sober night with drunk people, and each time it happens, I feel even better about being sober. Still I dream about that first shot or beer. I always regret it.

I used to pride myself on having no regrets, and now my dreams are colored with regret. I want to have good dreams this year. I want to move past alcohol altogether. Focus on something new.

2017 is the year I fly. It is the year of silent counting. If 2016 was getting sober, 2017 is going to be ENJOYING being sober, not regretting my mistakes. In 2017 I am embracing my life as it is. I am going deeper.

I still crave the depth of hallucinogens, so desperately. Help me remember life is deep. Help me remember the magick of life. The inside joke. The love that makes up everything.

2016 was a year of stillness, and allowing. I let myself be blown with the wind back to Illinois. I let go of my attachment to a city I outgrew. I let go of all my friends. I let go of my parents. I let go of that beautiful, glorious, amazing, weather. I let go of nice tap water. I let go of nice produce and bud. I let go of comfort.

I said PEACE OUT, COMFORT ZONE!

Now I am poised at a beautiful fresh start, in a fresh place, with a fresh mind. I am free of booze. Now what do I want in its place?

Adventure
Depth
I WANT DEPTH
I BEG FOR DEPTH

I want to play with life. I want to celebrate my presence. I want to fly! I want to ride the biggest wave to outer space! I want aliens! I want mysteries! I want new levels in my life! I WANT DEPTH! MAGICK! And I want to WAKE UP IN THE DREAM!

2016 I woke from an alcohol induced slumber
2017 I awake in the dream!

I want to be awake in the dream.
Awake in this lucid dream.
I want to remember life is a dream and that I can step into my power at any moment. Right now.

In this moment, I am entering this symbolic transition. I have regained my health, my clarity, and my patience. I have found my playfulness and surrendered to the fancy of life.

2016 I started letting life live me
2017 I ASCEND

I want a word that helps me focus my intentions this year.
Magick?
Depth?
Ascension?
Fly?

In every moment I have the choice to hold on and sink
or let go and fly

it's time to let go and fly

2016 I remembered I can fly
2017 I FLY

In 2017 I intend to fly. I intend to have good dreams. I intend to explore the depths of life. I intend to ascend. I intend to be light. I intend to play. I intend to practice presence. I intend to practice magick. I intend to exercise and meditate and write and play and create more. I intend to remember,

I AM ENOUGH
THIS IS ENOUGH

In 2017, I am enough.
In 2017, My life is enough.
In 2017, I do enough. I work enough. I play enough. I exercise enough. I eat well enough. I find good music enough. I love enough. I appreciate enough. I share enough. I give enough. I fly, enough!

In 2017
I am enough to fly!

Cult of Counting

Join the Cult of Counting

Cult of Counting
We're starting this new thing called Cult of Counting, an idea we've had brewing for months. Based on the teachings of Eckart Tolle, the wisdom of Philip Rosedale, and years of experience, we believe silent counting can solve all problems.

Thoughts are the only thing that make you feel bad. What happens when you stop thinking? You feel better. Things like play and exercise help you stop thinking, but you can't constantly exercise or play. What's the underlying reason those things work? Because you stop thinking so much when you're in the flow. The mind goes blank and you just BE. Exist. Experience. Observe.

I've been silent counting for years. Maybe since 2012. The thing about silent counting is that it sucks at first. You don't believe in it. You think thinking is definitely a better use of your time.

Try it during meditation first, or while you're running. I meditate for 15 minutes a day, and on a good day I can count to 1500 during this time. Afterwards, I'm in a way better mood, because I wasn't spending the last 15 minutes worrying or planning or basically doing everything in my power to escape the moment.

Why do we try to constantly escape the moment? Eckart Tolle can tell you all about that in The Power of Now. We escape the now because we are mind-identified (thinking we ARE our mind). The mind's job is to look for problems. It's great at finding problems, but once we find them, we forget we have the power to STEP OUTSIDE THE MIND and let the solution come to us.

That's where silent counting comes in. So, you feel like shit. The first thing is to say to yourself, "I've noticed I feel like shit and that's ok." There, your mind did it's job. It noticed a problem. Now use your mind for one more moment: "What is this contrast (pain/problem) making me ask for?" What do you prefer instead? "I want to feel good." Perfect. Now the counting comes in.

Start silently counting in your head from 1-100. If you're in a lot of pain or really distracted, it's going to be hard to get to 5. Keep trying. Sit your ass down and set a timer for 5 minutes. Try to count. Keep trying. Bribe your mind, tell it it can think about problems all it wants after the 5 minutes.

You get to 100. You might not feel that much better, but maybe you can breathe a sigh of relief. Keep going. You'll really start to notice yourself feeling better when you hit 1000. The rhythm will give you energy. You'll have a 10 minute break from the chatter of your belligerent mind.

The results come slow, but keep it up for a few days. See if you can count to 10,000 in one day. After a solid day or two of giving your attention to silent counting, you'll be feeling motivated. You'll start taking better care of yourself. All because you stood up to your mind. You're no long constantly berating yourself and talking yourself out of life.

You feel better now. Better enough to stop counting. That's cool. You can coast on this good feeling for a day or two. This is a perfect time to start practicing mantras. Your mind is in a good place. You can start creating beliefs and actually believing in them. Now is the time to lay new paths in your mind. They will have a much better chance of sticking if you build them while you feel good. You'll be feeling optimistic and confident.

The mantras that have worked the best for me during this time are "(Breathing in) YES! (Breathing out) THANK YOU!", "I love myself", "I AM", "I love myself / I don't give a fuck", and "(Breathing in) In (breathing out) Out".

When you're feeling good from all the silent counting, this is a good point to jump into breath meditation. The counting trains your attention to focus on one thing, and that's what you need to do breath meditation. If your attention is all over the place, you won't be able to focus on your breath for very long. But if you've trained your attention for a few days, you'll be able to watch your breath and feel very real benefits from the practice.

Take a few days to think in mantras. Remind yourself to think them all day, just like the counting. The training of your attention will wane after a few days, unless you are very deliberately focusing. Silent counting is so amazing because it is measurable attention training. It's hard to remember or keep track of how often you remembered to think your mantra. But with counting, you know exactly how long you've been focusing.

After all this counting and repeating mantras, you're going to experience some amazing manifestations. Things you've been wanting for years are going to show up at your doorstep, because you had stopped thinking about them. You're going to get gifts and love and affection and promotions and cash and health. You're going to be all, "Holy shit! Silent counting works!"

You'll ride the manifestations for a couple days. Life will be so sweet. But with all that sweetness comes lazy thinking. Why bother to count or use mantras when thinking about all the manifestations is so delicious?

The mantras have lost their flavor. "I love myself" just doesn't have the same feeling it did the day after you were counting to 10,000. This is because your singular focus loses strength once the manifestations started coming in. Your mind is taking over. It's getting attached to the good stuff, worrying about what happens when it's gone. It's starting to find problems in all the manifestations. It's making you doubt the power of mantras and counting and yourself in general. You don't even notice your vibration slipping until you wake up depressed. "What's the point of life? I have all this stuff I wanted and I still don't feel good."

And so the cycle begins again. You're mind-identified, looking for problems and finding them. All you have to do is acknowledge the problem ("I've noticed _____ and that's ok"), ask for what you want instead ("What is this contrast making me ask for?") step outside of your mind ("1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 ..."), and let the answers come to you. This time, your manifestation muscle is going to be even stronger and more powerful. Enjoy!

You're Magickal Right Now

Vibration Calibration

You're Magickal Right Now
So happy and grateful to be awake and alive! So happy and grateful for such a wonderful xmas! So happy and grateful for this time to myself! So happy and grateful to feel fit and strong! So happy and grateful life loves me! So happy and grateful to be here now! So happy and grateful I can choose to feel good now! So happy and grateful to be SOBER! So happy and grateful to be free! So happy and grateful to feel light and in the flow! So happy and grateful to always have plenty. So happy and grateful to feel successful. So happy and grateful to have money for spotify and less mills and food and heat. So happy and grateful to have money saved. So happy and grateful to feel the flow. So happy and grateful to have astrojax and hula hoops. So happy and grateful to be free of addiction. So happy and grateful to feel the best I've ever felt! SO happy and grateful to feel confident and magickal! SO happy and grateful I can let go and surrender and trust the process of life! So happy and grateful to feel healthy and loved and appreciated! So happy and grateful xmas is overrrrr!! So happy and grateful to be living life to the fullest! SO happy and grateful to be filled with new ideas! So happy and grateful to feel big changes coming! So happy and grateful to be creating my best work! So happy and grateful to be DOIN CRAFTS!

WOuldn't it be nice to have the best night of my life? Wouldn't it be nice to relax and celebrate? Wouldn't it be nice to remember to practice my magick more? (I am right now...) Wouldn't it be nice to set my intentions for 2017?

My word for 2017 is MORE!
More exercise
More vegetables
More hooping
More creating
More ART
More music
More flow
More fun
More sobriety
More depth
More patterns
More crafts
More reading
More writing
More peace
More love
More not giving a fuck!
More MAGICK!

Wouldn't it be nice to have good dreams? Wouldn't it be nice to follow through? Wouldn't it be nice to start working on that deck/book?!?!?!?! Wouldn't it be nice to have a pinhead solution? Wouldn't it be nice to feel inspired to make music? Wouldn't it be nice to find the perfect doorway for that yoga swing? Wouldn't it be nice to lighten up and trust the process of life? Wouldn't it be nice to write articles again? Wouldn't it be nice to play with life every moment of the day?

I've noticed I feel not good enough and that's ok.

Maybe my word for 2017 should be ENOUGH

Enough exercise
Enough vegetables
Enough hooping
Enough creating
Enough ART
Enough music
Enough flow
Enough fun
Enough sobriety
Enough depth
Enough patterns
Enough crafts
Enough reading
Enough writing
Enough peace
Enough love
Enough not giving a fuck!
Enough MAGICK!

I've noticed I am beating myself up for not creating more and that's ok
I've noticed I feel uninspired and that's ok
I've noticed I feel tired and that's ok

I've decided to feel good about 2017! It's working itself out! I've decided to feel good about my creative output! It's working itself out! I've decided to feel good about how I spend my time! It's working itself out! I've decided to feel good about where I am! It's working itself out! I've decided to feel good about the process of life! It's working itself out! I've decided to feel good about my business! It's working itself out! I've decided to feel good about my business models! They're working themselves out! I've decided to feel good about my ideas! They're working themselves out!

What do I want?
To feel the flow on a project like that calendar I made
To be nice to myself
TO feel like enough
To feel like I make enough
To feel like I do enough
To play! And have fun! And be naturally cheerful and fun!
To be my reason for feeling good!
To follow through!
To be HIT with INSPIRATION
To stop censoring myself!
TO tell my story the way I want it to be told!

I am magickal! I am magickal right now! My life is magick! I live in paradise! I am fun and light and delightful! I am allowing well being to flow through me! I am living the magick life! I am making my best work right now!

I intend to feel like enough. I intend to make my best work. I intend to not give a fuck! I intend to lighten up! I intend to surrender and let the flow through me! I intend to channel more! I intend to LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST!

I pray to stay sober today. I pray to be light!

I'm switching to the version of reality i Prefer. In the reality I prefer, I am in the right place at the right time. I am doing my best. I am making my best work. I am allowing well being to flow through me. i am surrendering. I am in the flow. I live the magick life!

In the reality i prefer, I am doing everything right. I am relaxed. I am at peace with what is.

I live the magick life!
I am at peace with what is!
I love myself!
I don't give a fuck!
This is enough!
I am living life to the fullest!
I am free!
I am making my best work!
I am my reason for feeling good!
I surrender!
I am light!
Yes! Thank you!

I love it when I take control of my vibration! I love it when I remember I already live the magick life! I love it when I am at peace with what is! I love it when I set intentions! I love it when I am light! I love it when I surrender! I love it when I feel like I am enough! I love it when I make my best work! I love it when I don't give a fuck! I love it when I let life live me!

Dear Jessica,
Surrender. This is the perfect place at the perfect time. You are doing everything right. Let it come to you. You can let go now. You are already getting so good at letting go! Enjoy every step! It's all for you, and this is the main event!

Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are.

Be A Channel

I Remember The Money

Be A Channel
So happy and grateful to be awake and alive! So happy and grateful to feel better and better as the day goes on. So happy and grateful for "apps". So happy and grateful to feel my creativity pushing at the cracks, begging to come through. So happy and grateful I can choose to focus my attention. So happy and grateful I can choose to be light and say "It's ok."

So happy and grateful to not give a fuck. So happy and grateful to love and accept myself exactly the way I am. So happy and grateful for technology and the internet. So happy and grateful for the flow of well being that is always accessible to me. So happy I can let the flow through

I can choose
to feel good right now
to focus jus tbecuase i want to
I can choose to be a channel
to channel
channel

in this moment i can let go and stop second guessing myself
i can surrender and feel the magick life creep in
I can remember that feeling i want to feel i can remember it and feel it right now

the pulse, the it, the flow, the force, the flow, the invisible, the unknown

i can remember the tao i can remember i'm a witch i can remember i am powerful and i am dreaming and i don't have to be a slave to my current reality

i can remember who i am
i can close my eyes and see visions

i can see excitembike tracks and watersides and i can focus i can say what i see i see a back yard and grass and a swing set
i see the trapeze
i see a crowd and glitter in my eyes
i am sweet and cute
and preciously magickal
and the devil

i can relax and see
i can let the visions flow through me
i can see the star where i'm from
i can see there are so many planets around it
i can see that there is a code of dots : and blocks dots and blocks dots and blocks

i can remember who i am i can remember how to write and let it flow i can let myself be the tree in the winter, black and ghoulish under the branches

i can close my eyes and surrender and see the bridge i rode under on my way here
ilke a character in a book
my teeth were chattering because i was so excited and scared and cold

i xN EWMWMBWE QHO I Qa i xN EWLz NS LWR IR XOMW RO MW
I FEWQ ON Werh likw MUAHE

i can remember i grew to the earth like a mushroom from the sky

i can close my eyes and relax and hopefully still be able to type
i can relax and see where i landed
it was cold, i came as a mushroom from the sky
and then was implanted into a leafless tree in the snow

i can remember who i am
i can remember evertying all at once, in the safe
i like knowing the safe is there but i don't need to open it

it's like when i was a kid and received all this colorful monopoly money
and i knew i was taken care of forever

i can close my eyes and see where i came from
i can see i came here for fun
as a child
so silly
so excited and innocent

i can remember who i am i can remember the long triangular hallways
the sand
oh the sand
that's how the travel happened
the sand
reassembling into here

i can remember who i am and i can let the flow through me i can remember the growth chart
the forgetting
the new memory
i can remember who i am i can see
i can see the person in a helmet
i can remember what matters

flowers
love
seeing growth just to see things grow
just here to watch the flowers grow

i can remember who i am and i can relax i can be kind to myself i can do it myself and remember who i am
i can take care of myself
how do i take care of myself
i play guitar
haha
how do i take care of myself

i climb a tree
touch a tree brance

how do i take care of myself
i go to a city and look at the neon lights

i can be light and remember who i am
a dot over the city
i can remember that life is just for fun i can remember the focal point
the letter I
installed
given to me like a gift
i took it so excited!

I can remember who I am. I can relax and see what i need to see. i can stop worrying abouit capitalization and let the flow through. there is a face made out of fearthers, coming out of the ocean. i came out of the ocean?

i remember there was a fire in the ocean
i can remember who i am and i can remember to let the flow through me
i can relax and breathe and enjoy the shooting star made of sand and triangles

i can remember that life is just for fun
i can remember who i am i can let the flow through me
i can activate. i am callibrated
i can remember that it is just like waking up i can remember it sstarted as a bunch of blocks with light edges. blocks made out of neon

I can remember who i am and i can watch my visions. i can watch the flat shapes i can take messages now
what is the message
i see a keyhole
i can see that i can relax
and slow down
i need to breathe
remember to rbreathe
there is a tent
it is also someone's face

i remember who i am i remember who i am i can relax and see love. i can remember to smile and that always helps

there is a circle

i can remember who i am if i smile i can remember that i can always smile
i can remember where i came from

i can just close my eyes
and let it through
i can remember that i can smile and remember who i am
it was like a fun car dealership

it is dark and there are triangle trees

i see a train i remember

breathe i can remember to breathe
it's a lot to take in
i can breathe and be grateful

i am grateful to be here. i wanted to be here. it's just for fun. i can keep accessing this i am calibrated

wouldn't it be nice to relax
get a massage
let the flow through
help out
give

wouldn't it be nice to work on a bigger project
a book

wouldn't it be nice to just breathe and trust

i've noticed i feel so incomplete and that's ok!
i've decided to feel good about what i have accomplished so far. it's working itself out!
What do I want?
Relax
Enjoy
Be nicer to myself

remember to slow down and channel
let the flow through
let the flow through
remember to let the flow through

breathe
yes!
thank you!

I intend to remember who i am more and more
I pray to stay sober so i can remember!
i pray to let go of limiting beliefs

I'm switching to the version of reality I prefer. In the reality I prefer, I am present and appreciative. I am allowing well being to flow. I am letting the flow through me. I am doing everything right. I am in the flow. I surrender

I love it when I channel...
I love it when I do the work...
I love it when I remember who I am...
I love it when I CREATE
I love it when I watch the flowers grow...

Dear Jessica,
You already know it all. Relax and enjoy as it comes back to you as fast as you can handle.

I am This is You Are Enough!

THIS IS ENOUGH

I am This is You Are Enough!
So happy and grateful to be awake and alive! So happy and grateful to remember who I am. So happy and grateful to have a magickal day. So happy and grateful for my kitties in perfect health! So happy and grateful to get to go on an adventure and take pictures. So happy and grateful to have money for the vet and groceries and for a stock pot and a fire extinguisher and little debbies. So happy and grateful to have money for gas and lunch and a new mouse. So happy and grateful to have my finances in order.

So happy and grateful to be a witch. So happy and grateful to be practicing magick right here right now. So happy and grateful to be conscious. So happy and grateful to be sober. So happy and grateful to have the best most perfect wife in the world. So happy and grateful to be taken care of. So happy and grateful to feel loved and adored. So happy and grateful to feel confident and self assured. So happy and grateful to feel strong and fit and healthy. So happy and grateful to feel relaxed and at peace with what is.

So happy and grateful the rent and bills are paid. So happy and grateful to have huge sales on Etsy! So happy and grateful to be doing the work even though it's so late! So happy and grateful for inspiring music. So happy and grateful to always have plenty. So happy and grateful for YES THANK YOU! So happy and grateful to feel so good about the MMM! So happy and grateful to get positive feedback! So happy and grateful to get glowing reviews! So happy and grateful to remember I'm a witch and I'm the creator and I am in control of vibration! So happy and grateful to remember I am light and free and fun and in the flow!

Wouldn't it be nice to have the best night of my life? Wouldn't it be nice to have good dreams? Wouldn't it be nice to lighten up and feel better and better? Wouldn't it be nice to read and relax? Wouldn't it be nice to celebrate and dance and flow? Wouldn't it be nice to have the best holidays ever? Wouldn't it be nice to give the best gifts ever? Wouldn't it be nice to receive the best gifts ever? Wouldn't it be nice to give what I want to receive? Wouldn't it be nice to let go and surrender? Wouldn't it be nice to smile and feel compassion and kindness?

Wouldn't it be nice to receive good news? Wouldn't it be nice to give good news? Wouldn't it be nice to reply and respond and give? Wouldn't it be nice for my taxes to be effortless to file this year? Wouldn't it be nice to play and hoop and slackline? Wouldn't it be nice to give Kelly that big canvas somehow? Wouldn't it be nice to focus my attention and trust the process of life? Wouldn't it be nice to let go and let god?

I've noticed I'm tired and that's ok. I've noticed I beat myself up for drinking too much caffeine and that's ok. I've noticed I want more and more and more and that's ok. I've noticed my throat hurts and that's ok! I've noticed I feel scared of mortality and that's ok! I embrace mortality! I love death! It's not serious! I love and accept myself exactly the way I am!

I've decided to feel good about my health. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about my relationships. They're working themselves out. I've decided to feel good about death. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about winter. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about the holidays. They're working themselves out!

What do I want?
To remember in every moment I am the Creator
To remember to practice my magick!
To remember "think about what you want then return to the present"!
To feel inspired to make music and make something polished and finished!
To make a new book and finish it!
To give the best gifts ever!
To get a massage and a manicure
To run on a treadmill!
To workout more!
To be nice to myself!
To feel the best I've ever felt!

I intend to practice my magick. I intend to let go of what I want. I intend to feel as good as I would if I received what I wanted. I intend to practice presence. I intend to create consciously. I intend to make my best work. I intend to remember who I am more and more! I intend to bring more magick into the lives of others! I intend to see the magick in every moment and object!

I pray to stay sober today. I pray to be light. I pray to be kind and compassionate. I pray for the drive to take care of myself. I pray for peace. I pray for ascension and evolution. I pray for transmutation and revolution.

I'm switching to the version of reality I prefer. In the reality I prefer, I am a witch, practicing her magick, creating consciously. In the reality I prefer, I am allowing well being to flow through me. In the reality I prefer, I am a magickal person connected to infinite intelligence. In the reality I prefer, I am in the right place at the right time. I am at peace with what is. I love and accept myself exactly the way I am! I am light! I am free! I am one with life! I am so blessed! I am so lucky! In the reality I prefer, THIS IS ENOUGH!

I love it when I write and meditate every day! I love it when I do the work! I love it when I read instead of watch tv! I love it when I feel magickal and spiritual and in love with myself! I love it when I like being sober! I love it when I feel light and fun and free! I love it when I surrender and let life live me! I love it when I enjoy my life!

Dear Jessica,
Congratulations! You've made it! This is the main event! You are living the magick life, RIGHT NOW!

Everything Is Working Out

Intentions

Everything Is Working Out
So happy and grateful to be awake and alive! So happy and grateful for fun and easy xmas gifts. So happy and grateful the pipes aren't frozen! So happy and grateful to have hot water and hot heat. So happy and grateful to live in a town with a bus service. So happy and grateful to feel lucky. So happy and grateful to have music to listen to. So happy and grateful to feel healthy and fit. So happy and grateful everything is working out for everyone. So happy and grateful to feel light and free and at peace with what is. So happy and grateful to have singular focus. So happy and grateful for mad progress on the house. So happy and grateful to always have plenty. So happy and grateful to feel the flow. So happy and grateful to feel warm and safe. So happy and grateful to feel better and better. So happy and grateful I can choose to focus my attention. So happy and grateful for writing and meditation. So happy and grateful to be living the life of my dreams! So happy and grateful to have a mission-to be light. So happy and grateful to be doing what I know I came here to do.

So happy and grateful for a hot dinner at a fun bar with fun people. So happy and grateful for things getting unpacked and taken care of. So happy and grateful to be sober. So happy and grateful to feel creatively fulfilled.

So happy and grateful to feel strong and confident. So happy and grateful life is working out for me! So happy and grateful to surrender and let the flow take care of it!

Wouldn't it be nice to have the best night of my life? Wouldn't it be nice to lighten up? Wouldn't it be nice to play and have fun? Wouldn't it be nice to relax into the moment? Wouldn't it be nice to be kind to myself and appreciate all that I do IN THE MOMENT RIGHT NOW to take care of myself and my vibration?

Wouldn't it be nice to have a present for Kelly? Wouldn't it be nice to feel the best I've ever felt? Wouldn't it be nice to not care and let go?

I've noticed I wish I was further and that's ok. I've noticed I never feel like I do enough and that's ok. I've noticed I feel worried and paranoid and that's ok. I've noticed I beat myself up a lot and that's ok. I've noticed I feel unfocused and that's ok. I've noticed I wish I would do more and that's ok!

I've decided to feel good about how I spend my time and what I do with my life. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about my work. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about taking a break from youtube videos. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about my health. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about my life! It's working itself out!

What do I want?
To go to bed feeling good
To let go and surrender
TO have the best xmas ever
To surrender
To lighten up
To not worry
To feel carefree
To feel the best I've ever felt
To make my best work
To make new work
To make a new idea
To feel good about myself
To be my reason for feeling good
To feel cared for

I intend to have the best night of my life! I intend to have and be fun. I intend to be light. I intend to attract new ideas. I intend to read more. I intend to exercise more. I intend to write more. I intend to meditate more. I intend to play more. I intend to breathe more. I intend to discipline my mind more. I intend to be my reason for feeling good. I intend to create more. I intend to let the flow through me more. I intend to practice magick more.

I pray to stay sober today. I pray to be light. I pray for light. I pray for flow. I pray for peace. I pray to live at my edge. I pray for peaceful passion.

I'm switching to the version of reality I prefer. In the reality I prefer, everything is working out for me. In the reality I prefer, I am in the right place at the right time. I am noticing synchronicity. I am open to receiving. I am following through. I am at peace with what is. I love and accept myself exactly the way I am. I am my reason for feeling good. I trust the process of life. I am shining! I am free! I approve of myself. I am light.

In the reality I prefer, I roll with the punches. I am light. I have a great attitude. I am letting the flow through me. I am allowing well being to flow. I am doing everything right. I am practicing my magick right now. I am allowing well being to flow into every area of my life. I am a money animal! I am letting myself relax and enjoy and have fun and be happy!

I love it when I take care of myself. I love it when I do the work. I love it when I focus. I love it when I meditate and read and write and play and exercise and practice magick. I love it when I focus on what I want. I love it when I'm sober. I love it when I remember I'm dreaming. I love it when I'm lucid in the dream. I love it when I let go and have fun!

Dear Jessica,
Relax and let it through you! This is the best day of your life, right now! Celebrate While You Calibrate. It's all for you!

Addicted to Loving Myself

I’m A Money Animal

Addicted to Loving Myself
I feel the best I've ever felt and I'm still worried
Still worried
Still worried
Always worried

I've noticed I feel worried and that's ok.
I can let the flow through. I can remember who I am.

The going within
The constant going within
Am I missing out without
I have fomo
on the whole life thing
the whole world

Living in a snow globe
I can let the flow through
I can sit up straight
Watch my posture influence my attitude

I have a cat in my lap
Heat in the house
Food in the fridge
Music in my ears
Clean sheets on the bed
Hot water in the tap
Nearly 11 months sober
Nearly 11 months sober

And yet every day I feel like I did in high school. If today's really that bad, I can kill myself. But now instead of being so dramatic, I think, well if today's really that bad, I can go back to drinking.

But today is always good. It's just the worry.
The worry.
The worry.
Worrying.
I don't have any worries when I drink
No worries
That's why I drink
No worries
No worries
No worries
No worries
No worries

That's what I'm looking for
Letting go of worry
Feeling carefree

I feel unconcerned. Unconcerned.
I am unconcerned. I am unconcerned.

So happy and grateful the contrast creates. So happy and grateful to be aware of what my attention is on. Today during meditation I was able to feel what my attention was on. Three points: The mantra in my head (or lack thereof when lost in thought), the feeling of my hands pressed together, and the point my one eye was staring at. I felt excited because I could get my attention down to three distinct points. Usually it's jumping all over the place it feels like at least 10-100 points.

So happy and grateful to have the best wife in the world. So happy and grateful to be a money magnet. A money animal.

Wouldn't it be nice to have the best night of my life? Wouldn't it be nice to trust the process of life and feel carefree and unconcerned?

Wouldn't it be nice to lighten up and not be serious? Wouldn't it be nice to feel the best I've ever felt? Wouldn't it be nice to just love myself and not give a fuck? Wouldn't it be nice to trust the process of life... Feel unconcerned...

I trust the process of life.
I am unconcerned.

I am unconcerned.
I trust the process of life.

I've noticed I WORRY ALL THE TIME and that's ok.

I've decided to feel good about my worries. They're working themselves out.
Oh well.

What do I want?
Peace
Calm
Relax
To feel unconcerned
To feel as carefree as if I were drinking
To feel as unconcerned as if I were drinking
To feel carefree

To lighten up!
To have fun!
To burn with energy!
Not giving a fuck!

I intend to have the best night of my life. I intend to bask. I intend to enjoy my life and appreciate all I have. I intend to mind my own business. I intend to laugh and be fun! I intend to go with the flow. I intend to practice loving myself. I intend to be kind to myself. I intend to let go of my worries. I intend to feel carefree. I intend to be at peace with what is.

I INTEND TO NOT GIVE A FUCK!

I pray to stay sober today. I pray to let go of my cravings. I pray to deal with whatever it is giving me cravings. I pray to make my source my addiction. Addicted to source. Addicted to center. Addicted to loving myself. Can I please just be addicted to loving myself?!?!?!

I'm switching to the version of reality I prefer. In the reality I prefer, I am relaxed. I am at peace with what is. I am allowing well being to flow. I am allowing myself to shine. I am allowing myself to feel inspired. I am allowing myself to relax and enjoy and say yes and know everything is a solution. I am remembering to say
YES!
THANK YOU!

In the reality I prefer,
I am getting a massage. I am addicted to loving myself. I am unconcerned. I am carefree! I don't give a fuck!

I love it when I relax. I love it when I practice loving myself. I love it when I write instead of drink. I love it when I make my best work. I love it when I feel cute. I love it when I feel attractive. I love it when I surrender. I love it when I feel passionate. I love it when I bask. I love it when I like being sober. I love it when I feel good about myself and my life and how I spend my time. I love it when I live the day with energy and delight and presence.

I love it when I trust the process of life.
I love it when I love myself.
I love it when I don't give a fuck.
I love it when I am my reason for feeling good.
I love it when I feel free and carefree and unconcerned.
I love it when I relax into the present moment. I love it when I surrender. I love it when I feel fit and healthy. I love it when I mind my own business.

Dear Jessica,
Surrender is something that happens right now. Just do it. Surrender. Become transparent. Let it all pass through you. You are in the right place at the right time. Surrender now. Let it go.

Play With The Moment

This Is Enough

Play With The Moment
I am remembering to fall in love with myself
right now
in this moment
loving the way i smoke
remembering to enjoy smoking
smoking in the mirror
enjoying the smoke and mirrors

I remembering to play with each moment, like right now
I am remembering that writing is a way to play with life
right now
I can let the flow through me and play with life
I can surrender to the moment and enjoy it right now
with a few well placed thoughts

Jessica, I love and accept you exactly the way you are.
This is enough.
I approve of myself.

I start thinking "Jessica, I love and accept you exactly the way you are," while I'm cooking. It becomes a beat in the background, a song stuck in my head.

Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are.
I am remembering how to write it and mean it right now
Rather than thinking about the next thing I'm going to write.

This is enough. Writing right now is enough. My website is enough. My work is enough. My life is enough. The MMM is enough. My youtube is enough. My twitter is enough. I am who I am. I do what I do. It is enough. I am enough. This is enough. Writing this right now is enough. Winter is enough.

I am remembering this is a dream. I am remembering to be here right now. I am remembering to focus my attention intentionally. I am remembering my thoughts

Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are. Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are.

This is enough. This moment is enough. What I'm doing is enough. I have enough.

Yes this is enough. Thank you, this is enough.

I approve of myself.




I can be myself. I am remembering to be myself and be here now.

So happy and grateful for hot water and hot heat and hot food. So happy and grateful for the embracing of the concept of hygge.

So happy and grateful I can choose what I focus on. So happy and grateful to be waking up in the dream. So happy and grateful for les mills and writing and meditation. So happy and grateful to be writing more and more. So happy and grateful to feel confident about my writing. So happy and grateful to feel relief. To feel the best I've ever felt.

So happy and grateful for
SALES
PASSIVE INCOME
PAYOUTS
PAYMENTS
CHECKS IN THE MAIL
NOTIFICATIONS OF PAYMENTS RECEIVED
CLIENTS
STOCKISTS
ORDERS

GOOD ACCOUNTING
BUSINESS EXPENSES
WRITEOFFS
GOOD RECORDS
MONEY IN THE BANK
TAX SAVINGS
GETTING BETTER AT MONEY

So happy and grateful for healthy cats and a healthy wife and a healthy me. So happy and grateful to relax and embrace death. FUCK IT! Who cares?! Winter is enough. Death is enough.

So happy and grateful I can see the future. So happy and grateful I have visions. So happy and grateful to feel connected to source. So happy and grateful to feel the flow of well being coursing through my body. So happy and grateful to feel excited about my life and my creativity and my passions

PASSIONATE about
lifestreaming
journaling
photography
calendars/planners/diaries/thought organizers
imagemaking
flow toys
music
writing
smoothies
coffee
exploring consciousness
dreaming
transcending the patriarchy
not doing what everyone else is doing
mindmaps
self reflection
self knowledge
being god
being the creator
creating
getting massages

Wouldn't it be nice to lighten up? Wouldn't it be nice to really feel THIS IS ENOUGH? Wouldn't it be nice to feel successful right now? (I DO!)

Wouldn't it be nice to have good dreams? Wouldn't it be nice to remember my dreams? Wouldn't it be nice to focus on
JESSICA I LOVE AND ACCEPT YOU EXACTLY THE WAY YOU ARE
THIS IS ENOUGH
I approve of myself
I approve
This is enough
I love and accept

You have to be it to see it
I can see how one might not want to approve and accept
there is so much we cannot approve and accept!
but if you can be it first
the world will reflect it

I love and accept
I approve
I appreciate

I've noticed I feel NOT ENOUGH and that's ok. I've noticed I feel NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT FAR ENOUGH NOT BETTER ENOUGH NOT SUCCESSFUL ENOUGH and that's ok. This is enough.

I've noticed I want to drink and that's ok. I've noticed I want to take the easy route out and that's ok.

I've decided to feel good about my creations. They're working themselves out. I've decided to feel good about how I spend my time. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about who I am. I'm working myself out! I've decided to feel good about my relationships. They're working themselves out.

Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are.
This is enough.
I approve of myself.

Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are.

What do I Want?
To focus my creativity
To transmute
To truly love and accept myself without ulterior motives
TO feel successful now

In the moment we make a sale, I start thinking "I wish we had more sales!"
Let me celebrate this sale.
This sale is enough! One sale is enough! This sale is enough! I am successful, RIGHT NOW!

I intend to have the best night of my life. I intend to be light and be fun. I intend to play with life. I intend to play with the moment. I intend to practice the feeling of enough. I intend to practice the feeling of being at peace with what is. I intend to surrender. Relax. Give up. Love. Accept. Approve.

I pray to follow through. I pray to stay sober today. I pray to take risks. I pray for presence and light and freedom.

I'm switching to the version of reality I prefer. In the reality I prefer, I am
rebranding
rebuilding
becoming
allowing
loving
accepting
flowing

In the reality I prefer, I am passionate and letting the flow through and transcending and making alien contact. I am basking in my glorious life. I am free. I am flying. I am in the flow.

In the reality I prefer, I am focused. I am allowing. I am free. I don't give a fuck!

Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are. This is enough. I approve of myself.

I love it when I do the work. I love it when I follow through. I love it when I focus on what I like about my life
our business is booming
our client work is booming
we're on a workout schedule
eating well
sober
on a meditation retreat
experiencing material financial success
money magnets
free to do whatever we want whenever we want
on a constant snow day, our fav feeling
expressing creating loving
laughing!

I love it when I practice the magick.
I want only to remember to play with the moment
to love myself
love
play
love
play

Dear Jessica,
Relax. It's all happening. Your success has arrived. You are ready. You have transcended boy psychology. This is it. You've made it! Celebrate! Let it be fun!

Thank You For the Money and the Health and the Love and the Work

PASSION and EPIPHANIES

Thank You For the Money and the Health and the Love and the Work
So happy and grateful to be awake and alive! So happy and grateful to be warm and hygge! So happy and grateful to feel fit and strong and healthy. So happy and grateful to have a furnace and water heater. So happy and grateful to have a shower and fridge and stove and tub. So happy and grateful to always have plenty. So happy and grateful to feel loved and appreciated. So happy and grateful I can choose what I focus on. So happy and grateful to have ingredients and healthy food. So happy and grateful to have passive income and clients and sales. So happy and grateful to have savings and credit and rewards and points. So happy and grateful to relax my mind and return to the present moment. So happy and grateful to remember to be curious about what I'm resisting. So happy and grateful to love and accept myself exactly the way I am. So happy and grateful to have music to listen to. So happy and grateful to have money for bills and groceries. So happy and grateful for my luxury spotify and les mills on demand. So happy and grateful to feel good now. So happy and grateful to be sober. So happy and grateful to be off that roller coaster.

So happy and grateful to have a wife who inspires and motivates me. So happy and grateful to have fun creative projects. So happy and grateful to be self employed and growing my business. SO happy and grateful to have perspective. So happy and grateful winter is almost over!

So happy and grateful to feel magickal and powerful. SO happy and grateful to feel healthy and in the flow of well being. So happy and grateful to feel better from writing. SO happy and grateful to be nicer to myself. So happy and grateful to feel at peace with what is.

Wouldn't it be nice to have the best night of my life? Wouldn't it be nice to have new habits and patterns? Wouldn't it be nice to lighten up and remember to not give a fuck? Wouldn't it be nice to record some videos? Wouldn't it be nice to trust the process of life? Wouldn't it be nice to relax into the knowing that life loves me? Wouldn't it be nice to surrender? Wouldn't it be nice to let go of my resistance? Wouldn't it be nice to feel brilliant? Wouldn't it be nice to make my best work? Wouldn't it be nice to make music?

Wouldn't it be nice to laugh and have fun? Wouldn't it be nice to do something nice for Kelly? Wouldn't it be nice to play? Wouldn't it be nice to let the flow through me and focus on passion?

I've noticed I feel not good enough and that's ok. I've noticed I feel guilt and shame and that's ok. I've noticed I want approval from others and that's ok. I've noticed I feel sedated and that's ok. I've noticed I feel worried and that's ok. I've noticed I'm beating myself up and that's ok. I've noticed I feel not good enough and that's ok!

I've decided to feel good about the winter. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about the dry air. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about how I spend my time. IT's working itself out. I've decided to feel good what I don't know. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about all my unanswered desires. They're working themselves out. I've decided to feel good about my life. It's working itself out.

What do I want?
Weather of at least 30ยบ!!!!!
To feel so passionate I don't notice the weather
To be so lost in creation I don't care about the weather
To practice loving myself and approving of myself and accepting myself the way I am
To read more
To be kind to myself
To be a money magnet
To surrender
To stop trying
To let go
TO have soft hands and strong nails
To have fire tweets
To BURN WITH PASSION

I intend to follow my bliss. I intend to take care of myself. I intend to make my best work. I intend to laugh and make jokes and have fun. I intend to lighten up! I intend to PLAY and feel pASSION. I intend to attract passion. I intend to BURN WITH PASSION.

I pray to stay sober today. I pray to relax and stop worrying. I pray for light and flow and peace and joy. I pray to relax. I pray to relax. I pray I can just enjoy my life. Thank you for letting me enjoy my life. Thank you for helping me stay sober. Thank you for helping me feel relaxed and carefree.

Thank you for the huge savings account. Thank you for the windfall. Thank you for the health. Thank you for the mental discipline. Thank you for the insight and understanding. Thank you for the EPIPHANIES.

Thank you for the money and the health and the love and the work. Thank you for the money and the health and the love and the work. Thank you for the money and the health and the love and the work. Thank you for the money and the health and the love and the work. Thank you for the money and the health and the love and the work.

I'm switching to the version of reality I prefer. In the reality I prefer, I am making my best work right now. I am at peace with what is. I am doing everything right. I am in the right place at the right time. I am loved and appreciated. I love and accept myself exactly the way I am. I feel powerful and PASSIONATE. I am filled with epiphanies. I am light. I am in the flow. I am shining. I am BRILLIANT. I am transmuting my contrast. I am allowing well being to flow through me. I am letting the flow through me. I am letting go of my worries. I don't give a fuck! I love and accept myself exactly the way I am!

I love it when I do the work. I love it when I take care of myself. I love it when I let my worries go. I love it when I'm nice to myself. I love it when I feel the flow. I love it when I let go. I love it when I mind my own business. I love it when I trust the process of life.

I trust the process of life.
I don't give a fuck.
I love and accept myself exactly the way I am.
I am burning with passion.
I am filled with epiphanies.

Dear Jessica,
Ask and it is given!

Choose Where You Place Your Attention

On Fire

Choose Where You Place Your Attention
So happy and grateful to be awake and alive! So happy and grateful I can choose what I place my attention on. So happy and grateful I can choose to be light and free. So happy and grateful I can let go. So happy and grateful I don't have to care. So happy and grateful I can break the spell. So happy and grateful I can choose to be my reason for feeling good. So happy and grateful I can choose to be conscious and present. So happy and grateful to feel fit and healthy. So happy and grateful I can let go of my worries. So happy and grateful I can surrender to the present moment. So happy and grateful I don't have to give a fuck! So happy and grateful to feel good about my life. So happy and grateful to let go of my fears.

So happy and grateful to feel loved. SO happy and grateful to feel cared for. So happy and grateful to feel inspired. So happy and grateful to feel creative. So happy and grateful to feel the flow. So happy and grateful to always have plenty. So happy and grateful to be in the right place at the right time.

Wouldn't it be nice to have the best day of my life? Wouldn't it be nice to not piss away my potential? Wouldn't it be nice to stop feeling so responsible? Wouldn't it be nice to feel abundant? Wouldn't it be nice to feel prosperous? Wouldn't it be nice to not give a fuck? Wouldn't it be nice to love myself? Wouldn't it be nice to be at peace with what is? Wouldn't it be nice to focus on what's working? Wouldn't it be nice to let go of my worries? Wouldn't it be nice to have a brilliant idea? Wouldn't it be nice to let go?

Wouldn't it be nice to make my best work? Wouldn't it be nice to feel attractive and desirable? Wouldn't it be nice to surrender and give up? Wouldn't it be nice to appreciate what I have? Wouldn't it be nice to mind my own business? Wouldn't it be nice to transmute my contrast? Wouldn't it be nice to shine? Wouldn't it be nice to transcend winter? Wouldn't it be nice to feel confident? Wouldn't it be nice to feel the best I've ever felt? Wouldn't it be nice to be a match to solutions? Wouldn't it be nice to be my reason for feeling good? Wouldn't it be nice to stop giving my power away? Wouldn't it be nice to have good dreams? Wouldn't it be nice to stand up for myself? Wouldn't it be nice to take care of myself? Wouldn't it be nice to get a sign? Wouldn't it be nice to know the solution? Wouldn't it be nice to relax and enjoy what I have?

I've noticed I feel depressed and that's ok. I've noticed I feel annoyed and that's ok. I've noticed I have an underlying theme of regret in my life and that's ok. I've noticed I feel like shit and that's ok. I've noticed I feel sad and that's ok. I've noticed I feel worried and that's ok.

I've noticed I want change and that's ok. I've noticed I feel lack and that's ok. I've noticed I feel like a loser and that's ok. I've noticed I am being a lazy thinker and that's ok.

I've decided to feel good about my life. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about my health. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about my relationships. They're working themselves out. I've decided to feel good about money. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about winter. It's working itself out.

What do I want?
To feel good
To feel like I'm doing the right thing
To feel good about my choices
To feel good about my work
To make my best work
To relax
To enjoy
To feel inspired
To feel loved
To feel cared for
To feel magickal
TO feel like the universe is taking care of me
TO be happy with what I have
To stop wondering what if

I intend to have the best day of my life. I intend to have fun. I intend to be fun. I intend to not give a fuck. I intend to be light. I intend to let the flow through me. I intend to be a money magnet. I intend to feel passionate. I intend to feel the best I've ever felt. I intend to do the work.

I intend to use my time wisely. I intend to give what I have to give. I intend to take care of myself. I intend to focus my attention on what I want and what I want more of. I intend to feel good about myself. I intend to be my reason for feeling good. I intend to TRANSMUTE MY CONTRAST.

I pray to stay sober today. I pray to be uplifted. I pray to be my reason for feeling good. I pray for a solution. I pray to appreciate what I have. I pray for passion and wildness and inspiration and flow. I pray to LIVE MY LIFE.

I'm switching to the version of reality I prefer. In the reality I prefer, I am in the right place at the right time. I am doing everything right. I am letting go of my worries. I am surrendering to the present moment. I am surrendering my preference. I am a money magnet. I feel passionate FIRE about my life. I FEEL FIRE. I am bringing the heat from within. I am connected to source. I am making my best work. I am appreciated. I am ON FIRE. I AM BURNING. I AM STRONG. I AM LIGHT. I AM FREE.

In the reality I prefer, I am in the right place at the right time. I trust the process of life. I surrender. I let go. Jessica, I love and accept you exactly the way you are.

I love it when I do the work. I love it when I transmute my contrast. I love it when I make my best work. I love it when I appreciate what I have. I love it when I transmute. I love it when I feel fiery passion. I love it when I don't give a fuck. I love it when I love and accept myself exactly the way I am.

Dear Jessica,
It's all coming. It's all for you. You can choose to shift to the reality you prefer, right now. Act as if. Be what you want to see. Be the fire! Let yourself BURN!