446 Days Sober

Jessica Mullen
Today I am 446 days sober. It's really easy in the morning. I wake up feeling good regularly. It's hard at night, and at bars. I don't have a single sober friend. It's annoying.

So happy and grateful to be awake and alive. So happy and grateful to be sober and strong. SO happy and grateful to feel focused and diligent. So happy and grateful to feel in my zone of genius.

I read these articles about sobriety and they're annoying. Pretty much everything revolving around alcohol is annoying, aside from my abstinence. I've stopped dreaming about it mostly. I've broken the habit in my mind.

But dear lord do I feel square! It's not like a true square feeling--I know I used to party and be fun and it didn't work out for me. But it makes me feel like a party pooper to be the sober one. To kinda pretend to want to stay out, to go to another bar. When will I stop pretending, and do me?

I really want to enjoy life no matter where I am. That's the goal. To feel good whether I'm in a bar or in front of my computer.

Alcohol is such an enormous part of life! I want it to fade into the background!

So happy and grateful I can do whatever I want. So happy and grateful to feel free and focused. So happy and grateful to be making my best work. SO happy and grateful to feel good now. SO happy and grateful to feel excited about my life. SO happy and grateful to know what I want. SO happy and grateful to choose to feel good now. So happy and grateful to choose to feel good regardless of circumstance. So happy and grateful I don't have to give a fuck!

SO happy and grateful to feel the contrast creating. So happy and grateful to feel brave. SO happy and grateful to feel excited to be me!

Wouldn't it be nice to have the best day of my life? WOuldn't it be nice to not give a fuck? Wouldn't it be nice to let go of my resistance? Wouldn't it be nice to not care?! Wouldn't it be nice to focus on doing what I want? WOuldn't it be nice to enjoy being? To feel blissful without doing anything?

Wouldn't it be nice to get that trippy feeling back without drugs? Wouldn't it be nice to feel loved by life? WOuldn't it be nice to not feel boring? To feel exciting? To feel energized and inspired and switch shit up?

To say what I want and not care what other people think?

I am a powerful witch. I command myself to SWITCH IT THE FUCK UP. To shock and inspire! To uplift and be fun! TO BE FUN WITHOUT ALCOHOL! TO HAVE FUN WITHOUT ALCOHOL!

I've noticed I'm frustrated and that's ok! I've noticed I want to feel passionate about my work and that's ok! I've noticed I want to feel the best I've ever felt and that's ok!!!!

I've decided to feel good about my work. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about being sober. It's working itself out. I've decided to feel good about my relationships. They're working themselves out!

I just want to be so obsessed with my work that I don't care about drinking! I want my work to be so ingrained in every moment that I don't care about drinking!! I want to be so addicted to my vortex I don't seek false merkabas!!!!

What do I want?!
I want to be addicted to my vortex!
I want to remember I live the magick life!
I WANT LIFE TO BE MAGICKAL!
I WANT TO BE MAGICKAL!
I WANT TO STEP INTO MY POWER AND LET MIRACLES SHINE FORTH!

I intend to have the best day of my life. I intend to do the work. I intend to feel good about myself. I intend to not give a fuck! I intend to be addicted to my vortex! I intend to be so immersed in DOING ME and FEELING GOOD that I forget about alcohol! I intend to BASK and FLOW and have fun! I intend to BE FUN! I intend to be light! I intend to be magick! I intend to LIVE THE MAGICK LIFE!

I pray to stay sober today. I pray to stay sober today. I pray to stay sober. I pray my magick shines through my addiction and I can do that addiction transference thing to MY VORTEX.

I pray to find things to believe in. To feel confident and magickal. To feel great about life! To feel successful! To feel successful right now because I am dedicated to my vortex!

I'm switching to the version of reality I prefer. In the reality I prefer, I am addicted to my vortex. I live the magick life. I am a powerful witch. I am my reason for feeling good. I am allowing well being to flow! I am making my best work! I am one with life! I am open and aware of the miracle of right now! I am present right now! I am free right now! I am in the vortex RIGHT NOW!

In the reality I prefer,
my to do list is easy and fun
I follow through
I am making my best work
I am focused and FUN
I am ADDICTED TO being my reason for feeling good!

I love it when I do the work. I love it wheN I'm sober. I love it when I find ways to enjoy sobriety. I love it when I feel supported in sobriety. I love it when I have sober friends.

I love it when I feel magickal. I love it when I feel powerful. I love it when I feel supported. I love it when I feel fun and excited about life! I love it when I feel connected and in the flow! I love it when I have great ideas! I love it when I do the work!

I expect this to be the best day of my life.
I expect to stay sober.
I expect to be fun. I expect to love my life today!

Dear Jessica,
Relax and be patient. What you want is coming. Just ask and it is given! What do you want?

To have sober friends
To feel magickal
To be aware of the miracle of right now
To go DEEPER!!!!!
To be BRAVE!!!