something new is hatching!

I Love Myself

something new is hatching!

I Love Myself
Still melancholy after all these years
feels the same in my bedroom age 17
wanting friends not wanting to put in the work
lazy lazy lazy
i'm trying to remember to be nice to myself when i feel laZY
maybe i'm not lazy maybe i'm born with it
maybe i'm meant to be still
i try to get high and do the most
i try to wake up early
i can't sleep more i'm too mad
i try to do my best and that lasts at least 2 hours lately
and then i check out
check out
check out
always trying to check out
i just want to check out of my thoughts so i can wake up in the dream
suddenly drunk and lucid
only lucid when drunk
only appreciative
only in love
when drunk
i wish i could let go now
i wish i could focus now
i can't WAIT until i am focused in the now
my presence is my present my presence is my gift
i fee i have nothing to give because
i am never present
i am never present
i just want presents

show me love
remind me to love
i'm supposed to be loving myself
i'm supposed to be counting my blessings
i have my blessings
what are my blessings
perfect health
free healthcare
perfect wife
perfect kitties
perfect home
laundry machines
friends who text
memes
jokes
funny things
friends who text asking if we want to do something
tapping
meditation
walking so much walking walking is my passion walking is my passion walking is my passion

my blessings are that i am so free that i can get high and just sit on the computer
me and my lacrosse ball against the wall
but still i complain of my bad dreams and my dark tendencies
i feel like i should be farther! I should be farther! I should be farther! I should be further along this path
and then i have to look up further or farther i think farther is distance but what is this distance i am trying to go?!

i want money of course
lots of passive income
enough to live on and be insured
and drive a tesla and live in any apartment i fancy
and i want the mmm to be a nyt best seller and i want to make the next mmm
because i am basing my worth on my creative output and financial gain
basing my worth on . my creative output and financial gain
creative output and financial gain
those are the end games
so here i am creating but am i creating from complaining? i guess the work is to take your contrast and find what's good about it

i feel uninspired and lazy
i feel still
i feel like i don't have permission to be still
there's always too much to do
always food to cook and chores to do and things to clean and files to move
always files to move
always files to move

and then i pretend tv is stillness i pretend i pretend i pretend

i want realness i want stillness i want relaxation i want to BE the things i DREAM ABOUT

i want to be my reason for feeling good and not dream about the ways i think i could be more fulfilled, more complete, FURTHER ALONG
looking for pleasure
looking for distance
looking for satisfaction
and WILD FUCKING FUN

i feel like i'm missing out on a huge part of life
i want to channel this energy
channel this extreme built up energy into my greatest work
i want to create with this energy
i want this energy to burst forth in a way that i could never have imagined that will have me thinking

OF COURSE THIS IS HOW IT HAD TO BE! OF COURSE! I AM SO RELIEVED!

i want the magick of life back please! I want synchronicity and bravery and adventure! I want to be focused on PLAY and FUN! I want my life to be FUN and I want to enjoy every moment! I want to BE FUN
and I want to create my best work! Let it the fuck out! Let this creative energy fly!

I want advice i want a mentor i want to be around people i love i want masculine energy i want to feel better!

i want to create my best work i want to lighten up i want a bottle of adderall and a bottle of vodka of course!
i want those things to make me let go of my old patterns! fuck some shit up! make new patterns!

when there is contrast, something new is hatching! something new is hatching!

i want to lighten up and have fun! Lighten up and have fun! Lighten up and say FUCK IT! Lighten up and be perfectly present! Lighten up and be brave and bold and wild and SO FUCKING BRAVE! I want to be SO FUCKING BRAVE!

I want to let this creation the fuck out of me. I want this energy channeled into changing the world, into PRESENCE

I want this energy to make others feel like HOLY SHIT LIFE IS SO DEEP AND I'M SO FUCKING MADLY IN LOVE

I want that high flying feeling! That euphoria! I want the euphoria without the drug come down! I want euphoria! Euphoria please!

And I want to be wide open and not hiding anything! Wide open! Wide open!
SAY YES SPEAK IT

Relax and let go relax and let go relax and let go
Let it be easy
Let it be easy
Love yourself let it go
I love myself
I love myself I love myself I love myself I love myself I love myself. I love myself. i Love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself.I Love myself!
I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I Love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself!

Jessica Mullen

Living the magick life.