Why I Post My Calories on Instagram

 2013 December 27
by jessica mullen   4 Comments 

My Fitness Pal

I used to be bulimic. I would eat a pizza and some ice cream and maybe some snack cakes and then I'd puke it back up. On the surface it was fun and relaxing, but I always knew it wasn't really a sustainable way to deal with life.

I stopped barfing when Kelly moved in with me, nearly 6 years ago. But food is still one of my drugs of choice, so when I feel stressed or sad or don't want to deal with my life, I overeat.

I always start counting my calories under the guise of weightloss (it's the only thing I've ever found that works), but really I'm just budgeting instead of being unconscious.

After years of unconsciously spending credit, I went broke and had to start budgeting. The same thing happens with food--I go into calorie debt and start gaining weight.

Counting calories helps me know when to stop eating so I don't use food to deal with my emotions. Once I've had my budget for the day, I have to find some other way to feel good.

Even when I'm counting calories using MyFitnessPal, it can still be hard to keep it together. I have a tendency to count my calories all day, but then nightfall hits and I hit the liquor store. The liquor store invariably leads to drunken food purchases, which is a very annoying pattern.

So I post my little screen grabs on Instagram, because it keeps me from overeating and having to post an embarrassing calorie count. The fact that I get embarrassed by what I eat is a whole different therapy session in itself, but for now I'm doing this because it works.

I intend to keep this practice up for every day of 2014, so make your account-following plans accordingly. I know that I would be absolutely riveted by a regular calorie-intake update from any of my friends, so I hope I can provide you the same enjoyment!

Some caveats:

  • I don't usually bother to find exact foods or brands in the app, so sometimes it will say I had 3 tomato slices from Subway or a Popeyes mashed potatoes even though I have never eaten there before.
  • Sometimes if I simply must drink or snack at night, I put those foods as breakfast for the next day. That's why you may have seen vodka and pizza for breakfast before...
  • I still get my feelings hurt when people comment on my eating habits, but the benefits of perceived public scrutiny outweigh the actual feedback I get. Please don't judge me. I'm doing my best.

Use Eyeliner to Judge the Quality of Your Mantras

 2013 August 21
by jessica mullen   1 Comment 

eyeliner magick

When I need to know if a mantra is going to work for me, I put it to this simple test. I repeat the mantra over and over silently in my head, while applying liquid eyeliner to my top eyelid.

If the eyeliner goes on perfectly, it's a keeper. If I mess up, I probably wasn't even using a mantra in the first place ;]

What I Learned from Quitting Deodorant

 2011 November 8
by jessica mullen   15 Comments 


I stopped using shampoo almost two years ago and never looked back (shampoo strips your hair of oil, which causes your scalp to overproduce oil, making you need to shampoo to remove the oil!). I wanted to see if deodorant was a similar hygiene scam, so I stopped wearing it about a month ago. I still use plenty of soap and most of the time I smell great. Occasionally I am pretty repulsed by the smell of my sweat, and I began to wonder what that meant vibrationally.

What does it feel like to smell bad? To me it feels stressful. A couple nights ago I realized I only smell when I'm under pressure, and that must be significant. In fact, it's a blessed indicator that I'm stressed out and I should chill my thoughts out.

Covering up body odor with deodorant is a way to mask a symptom. Remember those "Sure! Unsure!" deodorant commercials? They were about hiding the fact that you're stressed and sweaty so people would think you've got it together. But why cover up the stress when you can remove it at the root?

Our bodies do the things they do to help us know what's going on in our heads. Body odor is an indicator of stress, which is an indicator of negative thoughts. Stop the negative thoughts, stop the stress, stop the smell. Perhaps that's not as easy as swiping one's pits with chemicals, but it's definitely more rewarding.

So while I work on destressing, anyone have any good deodorant alternatives? ;]