I scraped together my $324 credit card bill. It was easy. Now I need $433 before Thursday. I just transfered $18.36 from Paypal, so make that $415.
We’ve had to turn down invitations to dine out twice now. Opting to cook at home, Kelly and I are remembering the magick of food. We love to cook. It’s such a blessing.
I have never been more focused. I’ve always wanted this. A reason to stop buying so much food, a reason to say no, something external pushing me to work. It’s like the universe has become my dad. I just want someone to tell me what to do.
The most hilarious part of all of this is that I’m finally taking my own advice. I preach from the high fucking heavens all day every day, but how often do I do my own worksheets? Read my own books? Apply my own tips? Practice my own mantras?
I do practice, all the time. But now I’m beginning to truly believe in my work. My worksheets work. I just have to want something bad enough to do them. My contrast is so high right now, I know exactly what I want, and wild horses can’t stop me from doing everything I can to succeed.
The advice I have to take from myself is to stop doing. To stop caring, to stop worrying, to go with the flow. Stop chasing money. Stop chasing success. Be still. Allow. Receive.
The more I focus, the more beautiful the reflections I can see. Yesterday my friend Ari gifted me the best book I’ve ever read, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It. It’s one person’s story about using a mantra that actually worked: “I love myself.” It’s that simple.
Even as I drag my coin jar to Coinstar for booze money, I’m laughing at myself. This is so funny. It’s not serious. I still love myself at the bottom. I love myself. And I’m having more fun than ever before.
There is an apartment building in my neighborhood that has the words “Enjoy being” painted across the front of it. I love the concept, but up until recently I really had no idea what it meant.
In another part of Austin, on a bridge that crosses Lady Bird Lake, I’ve discovered explicit instructions sent from above to answer the question of how to enjoy being: “Focus one point and breathe.”
Focus one point and breathe. Feel one point on your body or look at one single speck and breathe. It’s the simplest flow toy there is. You know you’re outside of the Now if you lose your focus, break your gaze, or get distracted. But if you can keep your attention steady on one single point, whether it’s something you’re looking at or a point you’re feeeing on your body (for example, the point where breath enters and leaves your nostrils), you’ll feel the joy of simply being. It feels like tripping—that blissful state where you know everything is perfect and magickal right now, and things like money and time truly don’t matter.
When you direct all your attention and focus to a single point, you can see how what seems stationary is constantly changing. You can begin to see and feel the unfolding of life. It’s always in motion and there is no action you can take to influence it. All you can do is play with it and accept the gifts it constantly brings you.
Practice that state of being—the state of enjoying being—and that is the only work you will ever have to do on this Earth. Everything you want will unfold perfectly, now that you’ve gotten out of the way.
The kaleidoscope is a metaphor for reality. The mind is the center point on the ‘scope, and the mind chooses what passes through that center. Whatever passes through the center is then reflected through the entire available view, just as whatever thought passes through your mind is reflected through your entire reality.
The mind will never see the big picture, because it has a very limited perspective of a single point. Whatever shape it chooses, it chooses based on a linear perspective of time. It wants so bad to create the big picture pattern, but it can never see the pattern. So it chooses shapes to the best of it’s ability with limited perspective.
Consciousness sees the bigger picture, the entire kaleidoscope view. When you zoom out to become consciousness, instead of just your mind, you get a sense of the overall pattern of things, how they’re all connected. But if you stay mind-identified, you will try and try and try to pick the right shape to make the big-picture pattern you want, but with a time-based linear perspective, you will never be able to see the patterns you’re creating.
The mind wants to choose the right shape to make the big picture pattern, but mostly it just wants to keep passing through shapes. The trick is to zoom out and see the big picture and know that the mind cannot logically select the proper shape to create the big-picture pattern. Only broader consciousness can do that.
The mind may try to force the shapes it thinks will create the pattern. It will select the same shape over and over, trying to make it work, but forcing a logically selected shape (i.e., experience) will only cloud and dim the big picture. We must surrender the task of choosing experiences to the broader perspective of consciousness. We must surrender our need to logically decide what’s best for us and let the flow provide us with the shapes or experiences we need to create the big picture pattern we want.
When a shape passes through the center of the kaleidoscope, it happens Now. But shapes that have previously passed through the center are still being reflected through the big picture view. What shape passes through the center Now affects the shapes that have already passed through the center. This is a way to understand how what thoughts or experiences the mind chooses right now affect the past and future. The current shape moves the other shapes not currently passing through the center. Our present thoughts affect our past and future.
Using your mind to decide what to do will always produce weak results because the mind cannot see the big picture. The mind is the single point of perspective that allows us to experience reality in the way we do, but it is just a single point. Our lives are the big picture kaleidoscope view, which we are capable of seeing when we step outside of our minds to the perspective of broader consciousness.
My point is this: allow the flow to determine what shapes pass through your mind. Whatever desires, experiences, or thoughts come to you, say yes to them. The flow is giving them to you because the flow sees the bigger picture pattern, and knows exactly what shape to give you next to create the pattern you want to live. Don’t let your mind trick you into believing it knows what’s best for you. Your rules, limiting beliefs and resolutions are only resisting the gifts the flow provides. Say yes to whatever passes through the center of your kaleidoscope and watch the exact pattern you desire unfold, more perfect and beautiful than you ever imagined.