Hi, I’m Jessica, and I’m a witch. I’m not a traditional witch by any means–I believe witchcraft is making magick in any way one sees fit. I don’t follow pagan holidays, I don’t worship specific deities and I avoid spiritual labels. I make my own rules and rituals and design my own tools for manifestation. I like to refer to my type of witchery as “living the magick life,” which means dreaming big, trusting the process of life, and training one’s mind to see the miracle we’re already living.
American Witch Magazine approached me to write an article for their site, and my wife asked me what I was going to write about. I told her probably my recent sobriety, to which she responded, “Boring! Wouldn’t you rather write about something other than deprivation?”
Her reply brings me to my topic, which is, DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS OR SAYS.
Sobriety isn’t necessary to the practice of witchcraft, but when I recently reached alcoholism of epic proportions, I made a decision to dry out and see life more clearly. Every single day I had been sick with hangovers, and drunken evenings left no time for spiritual work.
I was drinking myself dry of personal power. I was drinking to gloss over my irritations with others. I was drinking to numb myself to things I didn’t like. I was drinking because I thought other people wanted me to. I was drinking because I was bored. I was drinking because I always drank. I was drinking because I was scared. I was drinking because I thought I couldn’t have fun any other way.
So when my life coach helped me come to the decision to sober up 18 days ago, I felt so relieved. Finally! I won’t be hungover every day! Finally, I’ll remember my evenings! I won’t hate getting out of bed every day!
I don’t give a fuck if you drink or not. And I’m not saying I’ll never drink again. But what this short time of sobriety has taught me is that to be a witch and practice magick, you cannot GIVE A FUCK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK! There will always be naysayers and haters and people threatened by YOU DOING YOU. There will always be bad influences and people who drain your energy. Who cares? You don’t have to give a fuck about them!
My personal power comes from stepping outside of my mind and connecting to source energy. It comes from seeing from a larger perspective and going with the flow. It comes from trusting that life loves me and I’m in the right place at the right time. It comes from my awareness of my connection to infinite intelligence, or god if you like to call it that.
Drinking was draining my personal power, and now I have more than ever. But I never could have stopped drinking if I took other people’s opinions into consideration.
Hi, I’m Jessica, and I’m a witch. And I don’t give a fuck about what you think.
(P.S. To my sweet wife, I love you and thank you for the article inspiration ;-)
Kelly had a really bad earache and she's not the type to go to the doctor. I did some brief googling, gathered that most earaches don't need to be treated with antibiotics, and that there are tons of home remedies that will lessen pain and help the infection heal faster.
The day before Kelly got sick, we had gone to the store. I picked up one white onion, "in case we want to make something." Wouldn't you know it, a lot of people online suggested onion-based ear infection treatments.
Crying in pain with a swollen face and unable to talk or swallow, Kelly agreed to try this onion juice treatment I found:
- Bake whole onion in oven at 450º (no need to preheat), until warm. A small onion takes 15 minutes, a big one more like 25.
- Cut in half and allow to cool enough to handle. Squeeze the juice out of one half of the onion, into a small dish. I found the most juice towards the outer layers.
- Suck the juice into a pipette or eye dropper. Drop 2-3 drops in the infected ear, 2-3 times a day. Place the other half of the onion on the infected ear and put a towel over it. The heat and onion fumes help draw out the infection. Remove your onion earmuff once it cools completely.
Kelly's ear felt better instantly, and she was able to talk again within 15 minutes of the drops. After a day and a half of onion juice drips, she is cured!
This weekend I'm auditioning to teach Body Combat, a martial-arts-inspired group exercise class. If I pass the audition, I go onto a weekend training. Then I submit a video of myself teaching, and if I pass THAT, then I can start team teaching and subbing classes and eventually the goal is to have my own regular class at the gym. This audition is all I can think about, so that's what the tips are inspired by this week.
1. Even if you might fail, TRY IT!
Kelly and I were greeted by the gym maintenance man as we pulled up on our bikes last Friday. He asked if we were going to class, and said he thought we were instructors. "Not yet!" I said. With enthusiasm he said, "If you don't try, you'll always wonder what would have happened." When I told my first-ever group fitness instructor about my plans to audition, she said, "This will be the best decision of your life!" I mean, right?!
2. Do things for fun.
When I started taking Body Combat at the YMCA, I would just laugh and smile through the whole thing. I could not BELIEVE I was shuffling around a mirrored room punching the air. I felt silly and self conscious, but euphoric and eager to learn. The class is just my jam! It's often the most fun thing I do all week. The people, the energy, the music, the routines--I am hopelessly hooked! Every time I start to stress about my audition, I just remind myself I'm doing it for fun. I'm doing it because I have this unstoppable love for kickboxing set to pop music that brings tears to my eyes. Kelly and I always say to each other, "Les Mills saved my life again." (Les Mills is the company that produces Body Combat.) The group fitness classes we take are what we credit with keeping us healthy, diurnal, and off of drugs.
3. Tell people your dreams. They believe in you and want to help you!
My fitness instructors at the gym are my heroes. These people have wonderful attitudes, inspiring confidence and endless charisma. They are the people helping me become the best version of myself I can be, physically, mentally and spiritually. Magen, Boni and Dee Dee, THANK YOU for your encouragement and support!
4. Believe in yourself.
I could focus on all the things I'm afraid of, or I can emphasize how EXCITED I am, and all the great changes that are happening in my life. I'm getting stronger. I can do legit pushups and Kelly complimented my side kicks. I've been taking Body Combat for about three years, and it's influenced my life in so many ways. I used to not be able to hang our bicycles up, but it was only because I didn't think I could. One day I said to myself, "If I'm going to become a fitness instructor, I have to be able to hang my own bike from a hook on the ceiling." Then one day I tried it, and I could. And now it's easy. I can do it!
5. Don't be attached to a specific outcome.
If I don't pass this audition, I'll just have to ask how I can improve and try again another time. I have to be ok with failing. I have to be ok with people judging me if I fail. I have to trust the flow of life. I have to remember that everything happens in perfect time. "When it is all finished, you will discover it was never random."
6. Be brave.
I am scared to post this! I am so scared to fail! But I have to remember fear is just excitement with the brakes on. While I am pursuing this unexpected passion of mine, I want to share as much of the experience as I can. Blogging is a fine line of divulging personal experiences and sharing life lessons, but nothing helps me make sense of life better. I want to remember my grad school passion of BE TRANSPARENT! WHO NEEDS PRIVACY?! LIFESTREAM EVERYTHING!
Wish me luck! Thanks for the encouragement and support!
Welcome to Tuesday Tips, a weekly collection of ideas that help me live more consciously. This week the tips are focused on health, both for your body and your mind. My current recipe for well being is to bless your food, bless your muscles, perform your actions with love and take responsibility for everything in your reality.
1. Bless your food.
I got this idea from E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality. The premise is that your food responds to energy, so if you send it happy thoughts it will work harmoniously with your body, but if you view food as your enemy, it will stick to you and torture you. Think of your food as living entities that can hear you. Send love and your body will receive love from the food. My current blessing goes like this: "I now bless this food with peace, love and joy. May it nourish my body and bring me health, vitality and energy. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you."
2. Visualize strong, beautiful muscles during a workout.
Often I try to escape my workouts by thinking about something outside of the now. But lately I've been paying attention to what my instructor says: "Visualize! Big beautiful muscles! Look at your gorgeous bodies!" Little did I know I could quadruple (scientific fact!) the effects of my exercise, just by being present and thinking about what I want. When I'm doing squats, I think, "Strong, beautiful legs! Strong, gorgeous ass!" When I'm doing shoulders, I think, "Strong, beautiful shoulders!" And when I'm doing things that are really hard for me, like pushups, I think, "I'm getting stronger! Strong, beautiful chest!" This concentrated attention placed on your body will have you seeing results instantly. Notice it, get more of it!
3. Whatever you're doing, feel love for it.
If you're doing something that you're not exactly 100% passionate about, train yourself to enjoy it. I was making thank you cards with colored pencils the other day, and at first it was a chore. But then I started thinking, "I love coloring!" and lo and behold, I began truly appreciating the activity. I do actually love coloring! I just have to stop thinking about other things and be present long enough to enjoy it.
4. Take 100% responsibility for your reality.
I took part of my food blessing above from Ho'oponopono philosophy, which is an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. By repeating the mantra, "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you," we may reach a limitless state where we realize everything in reality is just a projection from within. By taking responsibility for our own actions, as well as the actions of others, we can be at peace because all desired change comes from within.
I used to be bulimic. I would eat a pizza and some ice cream and maybe some snack cakes and then I'd puke it back up. On the surface it was fun and relaxing, but I always knew it wasn't really a sustainable way to deal with life.
I stopped barfing when Kelly moved in with me, nearly 6 years ago. But food is still one of my drugs of choice, so when I feel stressed or sad or don't want to deal with my life, I overeat.
I always start counting my calories under the guise of weightloss (it's the only thing I've ever found that works), but really I'm just budgeting instead of being unconscious.
After years of unconsciously spending credit, I went broke and had to start budgeting. The same thing happens with food--I go into calorie debt and start gaining weight.
Counting calories helps me know when to stop eating so I don't use food to deal with my emotions. Once I've had my budget for the day, I have to find some other way to feel good.
Even when I'm counting calories using MyFitnessPal, it can still be hard to keep it together. I have a tendency to count my calories all day, but then nightfall hits and I hit the liquor store. The liquor store invariably leads to drunken food purchases, which is a very annoying pattern.
So I post my little screen grabs on Instagram, because it keeps me from overeating and having to post an embarrassing calorie count. The fact that I get embarrassed by what I eat is a whole different therapy session in itself, but for now I'm doing this because it works.
I intend to keep this practice up for every day of 2014, so make your account-following plans accordingly. I know that I would be absolutely riveted by a regular calorie-intake update from any of my friends, so I hope I can provide you the same enjoyment!
- I don't usually bother to find exact foods or brands in the app, so sometimes it will say I had 3 tomato slices from Subway or a Popeyes mashed potatoes even though I have never eaten there before.
- Sometimes if I simply must drink or snack at night, I put those foods as breakfast for the next day. That's why you may have seen vodka and pizza for breakfast before...
- I still get my feelings hurt when people comment on my eating habits, but the benefits of perceived public scrutiny outweigh the actual feedback I get. Please don't judge me. I'm doing my best.
A few weeks ago, Kelly told me she wanted to write a story about growing teeth back. "Neat. But... whatever," I thought. I didn't believe in no stinkin' teeth growing back. But wouldn't it be nice?
A few days later she stumbled across an article linking tooth regeneration to nutrition. It might not have been the most reputable source, but holy crap! Tooth regeneration!
Then a couple days ago I discovered the idea of "oil pulling," where you swish coconut oil around in your mouth for 20 minutes a day. The antibacterial oil pulls toxins from your teeth and may even heal cavities. I shared the article on Facebook and lo and behold, I already had friends trying the practice!
Today a friend encouraged me to try the oil pulling myself. I did so begrudgingly, but it really wasn't that gross. I don't have any cavities, but I sure want to keep it that way.
To recap: in less than a month, Kelly and I went from wanting to believe in tooth regeneration, to seeing evidence of it everywhere, to finding ways to test the theory ourselves.
What do you want to believe? Make your list and let the universe provide the evidence! Start looking for the TINIEST speck of proof that your belief is true, and you'll start a snowball of indicators that will eventually result in your belief becoming truth.
Does seeing the word Adderall make you salivate? Does it unleash an unreasonable craving, or pull up fun memories?
On November 24, 2013, I quit taking addies for good. I needed too much, I was abusing it, to the point that a friend had to step in and say something.
I've been experimenting with the medicine since I was 15, when someone at school gave me a tiny blue 5mg pill. Eager to try anything my parents said I shouldn't, I began a 16 year infatuation with legal speed.
Adderall is just too good. It keeps you awake, makes you feel euphoric, lets you drink more alcohol and eat less food.
It is also a highly addictive amphetamine, and few people I know are able to turn it down when offered.
There's nothing wrong with taking some occasional speed. And there may be some people in the universe who genuinely benefit from their prescription. But if you are a star child here to help consciousness evolve, it might be time to let the uppers go. According to starchildren.info,
It is critically important that if your child gets diagnosed with ADD or ADHD that you don’t run out and join the medicated child bandwagon. Medicating these special children will severely inhibit their abilities. This is a really easy option for many parents who just aren't patient or can't handle their Indigo children. Try to look at the bigger picture. You and your child have both previously agreed to your arrangement before you even set foot on this earth. Know that children can be handled without medication. This may be very difficult for some parents so consider joining a support group or even better, order up an angel to help you! It's a difficult journey but one that can be made through together. The problem with medicating Indigo Children is that it lowers their vibrational frequency. They will be unable to or find it extremely difficult to fulfill their life's purpose at this lower energy level.
After taking high doses of addy and observing my behavior, I noticed the drawbacks were beginning to outweigh the advantages. I constantly felt "lacking," waiting for my next dose. There is never enough. I don't want to share. After a few days on the stuff, I could barely smile because the tension in my head was so high. And coming down off an addy binge is horrific--no motivation, shortness of breath, weakness, boredom and depression, and wanting to eat every pizza I see.
Adderall takes such a prominent place in my daily life design guide because I see it as a mind-based epidemic spiraling out of control like obesity. It's a symptom of our collective psychotic mind, over-thinking so much that we need an energy boost to keep up. Want another perspective? Check out Cat Marnell's explanation of why we all need to finally get off the Adderall.
I feel so much better when I'm off addy. I'm glad I got to have all the fun I did with it, but it's no longer serving my spiritual evolution. I write this having just drunk 2 shots of espresso, another legal stimulant I may someday wish to let go. Baby steps though right?
How do you feel about Adderall, legal speed, and uppers in your life design practice?
Saturday night Kelly and I were going to walk to 7-11 for a frozen pizza.
We've been upping our health game lately, so we've been counting calories and eating less, but our fondness for pizza knows no bounds.
Pizza was going to put us way over budget, but we were giving in. We were hungry.
Then I started playing Astrojax. I found myself actually having fun playing, so much that I wanted to record a video to see my progress.
The video was aight. But I did notice that my arms look slimmer. And so do my legs.
So a few minutes later when Kelly said, "You ready to go?" I said, "Don't you just want to go to bed? I watched my video and I looked slimmer. I can't fuck with that."
We didn't go. That is why lifestreaming is a life design methodology. It's just a mirror. If you can see it, you can measure it. If you can measure it, you can manage it. If you manage it, you change.
If you really want to change your life right now, sign up for Bluehost* webhosting, install WordPress and start sharing your experience. That's how you can make a quantum leap of awareness from being yourself and your thoughts to watching yourself and your thoughts. It's a meta-perspective on your life. It lets you look at yourself outside of yourself and realize you're not just your body. There's another part of you that's aware of who you are.
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Kelly and I went to two group fitness classes today— RPM (a cycle class) and Body Pump (weightlifting). I really love getting stronger so I've been making it a point to go as hard as I can in class.
Last night Kelly and I were filling out a "Make My Day" worksheet together. I asked her, "What do you want to think?" She answered, "That I'm the best." I LOVED that.
So in class today, when the exercises became challenging, I said to myself, "I can do it. I'm the best!" Every time I said it to myself when I was struggling, I got my strength back. I went harder than ever before. I upped my weights on my squats, biceps and back and had the most fun I've ever had. I stood up straighter and smiled more.
Saying "I can do it, I'm the best!" also helped me to feel confident and good about myself. I walked out of the gym feeling like hot shit, because I can do it! I'm the best!