If you want something, and you think about how you want it, you are sending a signal of "I don't have this but I want it." So the universe keeps delivering exactly that--a reality where you don't have the thing you want, but you still want it.
The way to work with the universe is to know what you want is already yours. When you have the desire, it is created by the universe. Any time you want something, just assume it's on the way.
But that can be difficult with us humans because we don't always trust the process of life. We don't always believe that what we want can come. So it's hard to stop thinking "I want this but I don't have it."
When we get stuck in that pattern of projecting "I want it but I don't have it," it's time to do a little work with the thought pattern. One strategy is to give what we want to ourselves. Usually we want all the things we do so we can feel love. So when we give ourselves love (through mantras, self-care, meditation, kind thoughts, etc.), we no longer are projecting "I want love but I don't have it." The vibration changes to "I am loved." Then once you feel loved, your reality can start reflecting that back to you in manifestations other than just you loving yourself.
Another strategy is "making peace with it never coming". Let go of the desire completely and truly stop caring if you get it. If you stop caring if you get it, then you stop projecting "I want it but I don't have it." Then the manifestation is free to come to you. One of my favorite ways to make peace with it not coming is to say "I don't give a fuck if I ever get ______!" If I can truly let go of the desire, it will come to me. This strategy can be frustrating because you receive what you want once you don't want it anymore--but that's the whole point, to feel good without the manifestation.
Above all, the best strategy you can use to get what you want is to feel good as often as you can. Take care of your health, express yourself creatively, stand up for yourself, laugh. When you fill your life with things that feel good, you can spend your time in the present moment enjoying life as it is, not needing change or manifestations to make your life better. And when you spend your time feeling good, you are a match to those things you want that also feel good. But you won't even care if you get those things because you already feel good!
That is the whole paradox: you must BECOME IT to SEE IT. You must feel good to manifest things that feel good. You must be the change you want to see. YOU are the creator!
Art by Stephen Cade
I grew up with parents who loved me unconditionally. However, I can't say that they approve of me or my actions unconditionally.
When I was in high school I didn't give a flying fuck about their approval. I knew they loved me, but they were really strict. I rebelled as hard as I could. I always approved of myself because I was having, pursuing and being fun.
Once I made it through a couple rough years of undergrad, I started wanting to get along with my parents better. It was great, but I realize now I started approving of my desires and actions less and less. I was using their approval scale--grades, weight, job. In high school I didn't care about those things at all.
I've been practicing self love using mantras like, "Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are," and it's felt a little off. Deep down, I know I love myself. I think I'm pretty great, and when I step back to watch the story of my life, I think it's a pretty cool story. I do love myself.
But then I read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. The first affirmation she suggests using is "I approve of myself." I didn't quite get it until this morning, when I heard myself thinking, "I just want some approval!"
Immediately I started saying "I approve of myself" over and over. I began to feel better and better. When I said, "Jessica I love and accept you exactly the way you are," I felt guilty. Like, "I love you and accept you even though you are bad in the following ways." But when I say, "I approve of myself," I feel like I own my desires and am proud of myself. "I love myself the way I am" feels like I am flawed. "I approve of myself" feels like I'm kicking ass and don't need anyone else's approval.
What is your approval-to-love ratio? Do you find yourself feeling fundamentally unloved, or just needing a little approval? Give "I approve of myself" a shot and see if it makes more sense than focusing on the notion of self love.
This week the tips are all about cultivating self-discipline and awareness. My ego is trying to brag to you that I practice all these tips, but the truth is that it's hard to practice presence every moment of our lives. However you're living your life is perfect, and you don't need to change a thing. The thing is, once you become aware of a thought pattern that's creating unwanted manifestations in your reality, you can take control to create a more desirable reality. Allow yourself to just be aware of your thought patterns and the ones you want will flourish while the ones you don't desire, dissolve.
2. Donate one item from your home every day.
There's this clothing collection box on our way to the grocery store, so lately we've been cleaning out our drawers and taking one item with us to drop off every time we shop. It helps us project a vibration of "abundant and prosperous with more than enough to share."
3. If you're coming off a junk food bender, let yourself eat as much healthy food as you want.
When I'm counting calories and go off the rails with a pepperoni pizza and a chocolate pie, it can be hard to get motivated to get back on track the next day. Usually I just want to go to McDonalds and continue my downward spiral. But if you can force yourself to eat healthy food when you feel this way, you'll be too full to care about getting junk food, and when you wake up the next day you'll feel healthier. Try bananas with peanut butter when you want sweets, and vegetarian chili when you want a cheeseburger.
4. Pick out some memes to grow.
Kelly and I love finding little phrases that train us to look for what we want. Sometimes we'll get hooked on yelling "Upgrade!" at every opportunity. "Flawless victory" and "It's working!" are also tricks in our bag. Take advantage of every miniscule opportunity to blow up your keywords and you'll snowball into bigger and better manifestations over time.
5. Don't tell on yourself!
Every word that comes out of your mouth is an explicit map to your inner workings. What are you focusing on? What do you complain about? What do you joke about? What does your conversation give away about you?
6. When you want to eat or drink out of boredom, read a book, meditate or go to sleep.
You're only bored because you're thinking too much. You need to stop thinking, stat! Clean slate your mind and you'll be so happy you didn't reach for something outside of you to feel good. YOU are your reason for feeling good!
7. Don't get involved!
The world doesn't need your mind solving problems! Your mind CREATES the problems! Every time you face a question you don't know the answer to, just say, "I'm not getting involved." Don't know if you should text that girl? Don't get involved. Don't know how to help someone? Don't get involved. Keep your attention focused on the present, not thinking about future possibilities or pondering the meaning of someone else's actions.
8. Take control.
If you feel shitty, it's because you're thinking. Take control of your reality by stopping your thoughts for a few minutes. Then write about what you want and what you want more of. You're in the driver's seat.
9. If you don't feel that great, whatever you do, don't reach for something outside of you to feel good!
I always want someone to come over and help me feel better. But if I reach out to someone when I'm not feeling my best, I'm only going to attract people feeling as crappy as I do. I'll only receive what I'm a match to. If I try to take drugs or drink or socialize to feel better, I won't get any satisfaction from it. Those things are only fun when I'm already feeling great, so I try to do the work to feel good on my own before grabbing my phone or the vodka bottle.
10. Dream bigger!
We all want things like weight loss and more money and rough sex. But what if you imagined a future for yourself beyond the usual "President and CEO" or "rock star" labels? What's out of this world? See your big picture self! Think about it from Suzanne Lie's perspective:
You are simultaneously three of the myriad expressions of your Multidimensional SELF. You are the fifth dimensional Galactic Being who is trying to gain your attention. You are your fourth-dimensional astral body of your dream state, and you are your third-dimensional physical body that is asleep and having a 'dream.'
11. Imagine every moment is a performance.
You are on stage, right now. What would you do if every part of your reality had eyes and was watching you? What if all your favorite people were watching you on Facetime? It's all consciousness. It's all you. It's your movie. Shine on!