"I am turning my phone off.
I am turning Facebook and Twitter off.
I am turning email off.
I installed StayFocusd. I can use FB, twitter, and email combined for 30 minutes a day.
New Year’s resolution: Relax.
Mantra of 2015: 12345678910
Style direction of 2015: pool party on the moon."
I love fresh starts. I love deciding to improve myself. However, after 32 years on this planet, I've learned to stop making grand sweeping claims that THIS TIME I AM GOING TO CHANGE! I SWEAR!
I've tried declaring sobriety and weightloss intentions. I've tried waking up early to go to the gym every day. I've tried to quit smoking, and I've tried to smoke more.
Who cares? Here I am in the same place at the same time, feeling distraught, wanting more sober time, with more weight to lose, and the same desire to MAKE IT this year, I swear this year my work is going to change the world!
I have a vision of this perfect self I want to become.
Skinny, with no attachment to alcohol, drugs or comfort food.
In peak physical condition, parkouring around my neighborhood and making new marathon PRs.
All with a hulahoop around my waist, and a camera crew documenting my every graceful move.
I wake up in the morning to write a mind blowing article about the meaning of life. I don't need acid, and you don't need acid, because I AM ACID!
Oh, also I get up at 6:30am. I meditate and clean my chakras with essential oils and crystals.
On the weekends I frolic at music festivals where I perform my magickal hoop gymnastics and heal people with my effortless embodiment of flow and well being. I never plan these trips because someone is always offering to drive me and pay for my ticket.
I wear my cat Pwny as a scarf when I run around town. Linty walks gracefully on a leash next to me. Kelly and I are constantly engrossed in deep conversation... without saying a word.
$5,000 we make a month comes to us in recurring, passive income. And that's just from the 555 subscribers we have to the School of Life Design library. I'm also constantly getting asked to make photomanipulation illustrations for digital music, and to write How To blog posts for Erowid, Clickhole, High Times, Evolver, and other consciousness raising platforms.
Miraculously, all of my family loves me and my work. I always have perfect timing when it comes to my family, and we frequently get together to work out at the gym and have art parties.
I have the best friends, but I always Do Me, so if I can't hang out because I'm incubating a mind-blowing project, I don't feel guilty.
I NEVER feel guilty.
One day I woke up and mold didn't grow in my bathroom and in the windowsills anymore.
My dad emailed to set up a monthly lunch, just me and him. My mom did the same, except we get to go shopping at Neiman's and Nordstrom. And Dick's.
I paid off all my debt this year. It was easier than I expected. The money just came.
Stores all around Austin are emailing me so they can stock copies of the Monthly Manifestation Manual. We make $10 off every copy sold, so that's a nice additional $100/day we're making.
My video meditations have really taken off, since my subscribers multiplied to 100,000. I just have a way with relaxing people and making them believe everything is going to be ok.
And while I am constantly doing me and working on my mind-blowing work, I have found it in my heart to be generous and always give what I want to receive.
I help people clean and improve their homes. I listen to people talk about their problems and offer telepathic advice. I share my resources and cook for my friends. I reach out to people to let them know I care. I give holiday gifts. I give birthday gifts. I give gifts all the time, just because. I give big hugs. I practice compassion all the days of my life. I always react with love.
When I do deliberately decide to go on a bender and party my ass off, I never feel sick the next day. I always stay conscious. I approach life evenly and calmly. I always let what I want come to me. I accept gifts and take no action.
I haven't had a setback in 20 years. I am so deeply in love with myself. I would date myself if I could.
Also, I maintain my perfect health with herbal remedies, oils, and I use food as medicine.
In 2015 I finally lost that 20 pounds, made that $90,000 and let myself be the person I want to be. I am comfortable with performing in front of a live audience, and frequently collaborate with musicians who play behind me as I transfix my captive admirers.
Life became infinitely better for me in 2015, because I decided to
NEVER FEEL GUILTY AGAIN
and I just relax all day every day
and count silently in my head, keeping my mind and thoughts off "this world."
Since I just keep feeling better and better, life keeps giving me solutions. I am finally solved.
10 hours later... Since I wrote this, I turned my phone back on to 64 texts. Checked my email and my mom had emailed me asking to do lunch. I changed my minutes allowed on email/FB/twitter to 10 minutes and that definitely got me out of my inbox and away from fb stalker-ville.
And I went to the gym and felt much better about life. I counted to 5900 and felt much better about life. I meditated and felt much better about life. I had some epiphanies in the shower and felt much better in life (I always practice presence when I'm feeling bad, because I want something. But when I try practicing it when I already feel good, it's so much better/more powerful. I don't usually milk the feeling of feeling good because I get sucked into thinking about the thing that made me feel good. But instead of thinking about what made me feel good, I should just let myself feel good. The more I encourage and focus on and pay attention to moments when I feel good, the more I will experience them).
I didn't go to the liquor store on the way home (not that it matters!!!!) . I feel good about myself today. I can't give you any resolutions for 2015 (although "relax" is definitely still the theme), but the ones I used today worked really well. I declare I already am the perfect version of myself.
"Those things you want to change about yourself probably won't ever change anyway until you stop caring about changing." ~Kelly Cree
The kaleidoscope is a metaphor for reality. The mind is the center point on the 'scope, and the mind chooses what passes through that center. Whatever passes through the center is then reflected through the entire available view, just as whatever thought passes through your mind is reflected through your entire reality.
The mind will never see the big picture, because it has a very limited perspective of a single point. Whatever shape it chooses, it chooses based on a linear perspective of time. It wants so bad to create the big picture pattern, but it can never see the pattern. So it chooses shapes to the best of it's ability with limited perspective.
Consciousness sees the bigger picture, the entire kaleidoscope view. When you zoom out to become consciousness, instead of just your mind, you get a sense of the overall pattern of things, how they're all connected. But if you stay mind-identified, you will try and try and try to pick the right shape to make the big-picture pattern you want, but with a time-based linear perspective, you will never be able to see the patterns you're creating.
The mind wants to choose the right shape to make the big picture pattern, but mostly it just wants to keep passing through shapes. The trick is to zoom out and see the big picture and know that the mind cannot logically select the proper shape to create the big-picture pattern. Only broader consciousness can do that.
The mind may try to force the shapes it thinks will create the pattern. It will select the same shape over and over, trying to make it work, but forcing a logically selected shape (i.e., experience) will only cloud and dim the big picture. We must surrender the task of choosing experiences to the broader perspective of consciousness. We must surrender our need to logically decide what's best for us and let the flow provide us with the shapes or experiences we need to create the big picture pattern we want.
When a shape passes through the center of the kaleidoscope, it happens Now. But shapes that have previously passed through the center are still being reflected through the big picture view. What shape passes through the center Now affects the shapes that have already passed through the center. This is a way to understand how what thoughts or experiences the mind chooses right now affect the past and future. The current shape moves the other shapes not currently passing through the center. Our present thoughts affect our past and future.
Using your mind to decide what to do will always produce weak results because the mind cannot see the big picture. The mind is the single point of perspective that allows us to experience reality in the way we do, but it is just a single point. Our lives are the big picture kaleidoscope view, which we are capable of seeing when we step outside of our minds to the perspective of broader consciousness.
My point is this: allow the flow to determine what shapes pass through your mind. Whatever desires, experiences, or thoughts come to you, say yes to them. The flow is giving them to you because the flow sees the bigger picture pattern, and knows exactly what shape to give you next to create the pattern you want to live. Don't let your mind trick you into believing it knows what's best for you. Your rules, limiting beliefs and resolutions are only resisting the gifts the flow provides. Say yes to whatever passes through the center of your kaleidoscope and watch the exact pattern you desire unfold, more perfect and beautiful than you ever imagined.
Choose to feel good first.
Your mind won't believe it.
It will tell you those tools and processes won't work. They won't feel as good as a drink, or a drug, or a drivethru.
Remember the last time life was running smoothly. What was different?
You decided to care about how you felt.
You told your mind to shut the fuck up.
Once you learn the lesson for yourself, you'll forget.
But you'll remember again, and this time it's easier.
You'll go higher, further, deeper.
When you get so low that you're afraid for your health, or your safety, or your life,
just laugh. It's not that serious. I promise.
Your laugh is your ticket to the ride back up.
When you feel good, milk it. Milk it, milk it, milk it.
Remember every detail. Paint pictures. Pray harder than ever before.
You'll be so grateful you have a bookmarked place to return to.
When you start blaming caffeine, or weed, or your job for your bad mood,
remember that when you feel good, none of those things matter.
You can have it all.
Take a picture of your good feelings. Write them down.
When you feel bad enough, you'll remember about your bookmarks.
How did I feel good again?
Eventually you'll prove to yourself again and again,
feeling good is the only way to get what you want.
Feel good no matter what. Feel good no matter what.
When you catch that good feeling, memorize it.
Write about it. Be it. Bask in the feeling of feeling good
even though you're broke. Even though you're broken.
And what you want will come,
and you won't care,
because you already have everything you need inside.